Campi's blog

Got the GB game!

2009-09-26T16:48:00.002+02:00

Got the Ghostbusters game yesterday! It’s so beautiful… better than I could ever imagine. Got some serious sensory overload. Hampered by not knowing how to handle the controller, though. Being mainly Real Ghostbusters oriented, I was confused by my first “mission” - firing at Slimer? Found myself begging Ray not to, that couldn’t be right, but then Slimer took off and I was supposed to go after him. Surely he’d have to be in the kitchen, I figured. Spoke to the Vigo painting next to Janine, and it was the voice of Max von Sydow, a fellow Swede. Well, shan’t give the story away, but a Rookie with no experience with the xbox360 controller is no good. Have to read up on the manual.

Unfortunately, I was too ill to play. As much as I wanted to devote the evening to the GB game, there was no chance. Went to bed in the afternoon to get some rest, but didn’t wake up until this morning. Been too sick to play today, can’t even read a simple news article. Just drank two strong cups of coffee and hope to soon be able to focus on the game. My boyfriend is watching soccer, so the TV’s occupied, but an hour from now I’ll have another go at it. Watching some Real Ghostbusters episodes while writing this.

Making progress with my ancestral research - found two more Sven Svensson, so now they’re six. One ancestor was a soldier in Pommern during the war. Finally found that Belgian Walloon I’ve heard rumours about, born 1620 something. The only immigrant so far.

Maybe getting GB game tomorrow

2009-09-24T15:37:00.000+02:00

That popular TV-channel aired “Ghostbusters II” last Friday. Bad copy again, and the subtitling was so crummy that we cringed and turned off the TV. In the weekend a girl had put her used Xbox360 Ghostbusters game up for auction and even if I had promised myself not to pay attention, there was no way I could resist when noticing I could place a low bid. To my great surprise I won the auction! Have impatiently been waiting for the girl to get in touch and tell me her bank details, and yesterday I finally heard from her, paying immediately. She said she might mail the game today! If I’m lucky, tomorrow it’ll will be here!

Very much looking forward to something to cheer me up, because I’ve virtually been breaking apart. Yesterday I had an appointment with my contact at the psychiatry and was so looking forward to that, because she’s cancelled many times. The receptionist sent me off, saying I was there an hour too early, so I took the car to a nearby grocery market to buy a chocolate bar.

My contact called me on my cell, asking where I was, explaining we did indeed had an appointment at one o’clock and that it had been wrong that the receptionist sent me off. This is so typical… had to get outta the store and drive back. Those receptionists get things messed up all the time and I don’t trust them one bit. Last time she thought I was a nuisance because I paid bills on the internet when no one was in the reception to charge cash - that she had to call the bank to verify. Who doesn’t pay bills on the internet nowadays? On one other occasion I asked to pay cash the following visit, but that too was a nuisance! Messing up their database, they said. There’s no way to please them, is there.

My contact agreed I can see her again on Tuesday. I guess you have to pay people to stay on topic, if the topic is yours truly. Everyone else focus on themselves and load their problems onto me, and I can’t even cope with my own. Hope I can fix the rear backlights of my car before Tuesday. It’s difficult fixing it, because it’s not just a matter of switching a light bulb. Know nothing about cars… the repairman I saw last time seemed to think I was some idiot from Mars, so I’m reluctant about seeking his help again, or finding another repairman. Besides, I’m too ill to find the strength to go by bus and take long walks when the car is taken hostage. Really have to find a way, because the annual car check is three weeks from now and must be fully operational by then.

No game for the wicked

2009-09-20T13:43:00.001+02:00

As for Xbox360 GB game, I’ll have to accept the unfairness of it all and set for the release date and not chase down an imported copy. Just can’t risk losing money when dealing with some guy. Maybe my health has improved in November so I can enjoy the game. Ain’t in too good shape… yesterday was a bitch.

Man, can barely write or comprehend when putting these words together. Listening to Susan Boyle’s new single “Wild horses” on YouTube over and over again. Cool she set for a Rolling Stones song. Tonight my boyfriend will participate in the poker world cup and I so hope he’ll make a bit of money. I’m besides myself with worry about finances, especially now when my car doesn’t work. I can’t deal with it, too ill to take the car to a repair guy and I don’t want to think of how much it’ll cost. Any day the water/plumbing bill that was unexpectedly forced on us will pop up, and that’s when we’re out on the street.

Haven’t decided if I should call health care next week. Explaining that you’re not feeling better after nine days on antibiotics is asking for trouble. Lyme disease is low esteem and doctors unwilling to help. Anyone would agree I met far more than my share of incompetent rude doctors and I rather read incantations than see one. Well, if I don’t improve, I just don’t know how to manage any longer. I’m a wreck, physically and mentally. Can’t cope with anything.

Quitting my anti-depressives is saving me some money, but a drop in the sea. Every third day the symptoms I get because of not taking he drugs is forcing me to take one pill. Haven’t gone cold turkey, not at all, but quitting these drugs gives symptoms, even if doctors say it don‘t. Sudden flashes in the nerves, like electric charges, leaving you stiff and breathless, with a booming sound in your ears.

Xbox360 GB game postponed

2009-09-12T14:12:00.003+02:00

Yesterday “Ghostbusters” aired on one of the biggest channels and I watched the beginning. My boyfriend said I should tape it and watch later, because I was very tired due to lack of sleep, but I reminded him that I have a silly amount of versions on DVDs and tapes. Strange thing that the channel aired a low quality copy… pointless to keep watching, but nice it was broadcasted on a Friday evening. In my TV guide it was rated four outta five, never saw that before! Always a tree outta five. Funny it was labelled “from age 11” on screen. Nice feeling that fellow countrymen were watching.

Was thrilled to discover that someone sold his Xbox360 Ghostbusters game on a web auction a day ago. Some utter bastard decided that the European release date regarding most consoles is now November 6, even as the game is region free. Have used that particular auction site many times, but when I logged in, the correct password wasn’t accepted and my account was blocked for an hour! Convinced my boyfriend he must use his account to win the auction, but it was blocked on first try! Today I requested a new password, but can’t log in anyway. Just wrote a long angry mail to the site. The auction ended at half price, compared to retailers. I’m so pissed off. Never saw an imported copy for sale before, apart from one site, a ripoff deal.

To top it off, the European release just got postponed for two more weeks! I want the Xbox360 version because it’s the best and I have no PS3 console, on which it‘s already released. As I said, I’m not buying from the US, because I’m not risking that much money, and they will probably add a high customs fee again. Man, it sucks being an overseas fan.

I'm in such a bad mood today! Doesn't help that I'm not recovering like "planned" regarding my lyme disease. My back is killing me... feels just like the lumbal punction aftermath a coupla years ago. Not used to being pissed off like this for several hours.

Waiting for October 23rd

2009-09-10T02:14:00.003+02:00

Supposed to go to my “shrink” today, but cancelled because she’s ill. She cancels rather frequently, but today it’s okay, because I don’t feel perky.

The Swedish astronaut Fuglesang is leaving ISS now and going back to Earth. I’ve been worrying about him, but so far so good. In his book, which I read a few months ago, he wrote about undergoing simulation training in the US. One snippet in particular fascinated me, about the cultural differences. He thought it would be enough to have consumed American TV and literature all his life, but talking to people left him confused and unsure. As when being told he did something “Excellent!” meaning anything from great to so-so.

My boyfriend’s ill in bed, the monthly panic attack coming up. During the two weeks I had all my symptoms there was no use talking to him about them, because he insisted I had panic attacks. I’m not surprised it was lyme disease. Doesn’t seem he believes there are other kinds of health conditions than his. Yesterday I could cook and eat dinner, but today I haven’t been able to. Losing weight, but I don’t mind.

Learned that the Xbox360 Ghostbusters game will be released October 23rd. Adding an Egon drawing to celebrate.

Doctor Doctor

2009-09-08T14:35:00.006+02:00

Got an appointment with the doctor, even if calling the nurse was a complete circus. Always try to estimate what people ought to ask about, and so I make notes about what’s important, but things always turn into some absurd Monty Python act when I make phone calls. Like, telling my social security number and she goes “oh REALLY?“ like I’m making it up. Don’t want to describe the call, but god, do I hate phoning. Even pledged to see a doctor who speaks Swedish, because last time I had to do a charade in order to make the doctor understand I had a nasty infection in my finger. Taught her a new word, “finger”. I’m not racist, but speaking remotely the same language as your doctor is essential.

My boyfriend was glad I got an appointment with “his” doctor, because that’s one of the few sane, empathetic and completely Swedish-speaking employees there. Wanted to study my notes and calm down before I entered the doctor’s office, but fifteen minutes ahead of time he stepped up to me, just when I had entered the waiting room. He didn’t ask anything, so I was trying to structure things myself, and I don’t fancy that. Couldn’t follow my golden rule “never speak first”, but guessed I ought to read out my long list of symptoms and show him my pretty rash. He agreed it looks like lyme disease and prescribed a double dose of antibiotics for ten days.

Then he fell silent and stared at me as if I was some fascinating extinct breed, so I figured maybe that was my que to say thanks and leave. Can’t blame him for being silent and puzzled if a thirty-something woman is clutching a Ghostbusters logo wallet on the verge of panic, having a Ghostbusters logo purse, plus is pointing at a lyme disease rash close to her Ghostbusters tattoo. The wallet and purse logo I had planned to hide, but he caught me by surprise. Did tell him I have aspergers and a severe depression, so maybe he understood. At least he didn’t make fun of me.

More confusion in the drugstore. She said it’s uncommon to get such a high dose, but the darling doctor indeed said I’d had a lot of strong symptoms for two weeks and wanted to be sure to kill off the germs. Today I couldn’t keep the medicine… too nauseous. Took two more pills, but I’m already in trouble - can’t follow prescription. Too few pills left. No chance in hell I’ll ask for more! It’ll just have to do.

Lyme disease again

2009-09-06T13:35:00.007+02:00

Okay, so now it seems I know why I’ve been having all these symptoms. Discovered a large mark below my shoulder that can be nothing but a lyme disease rash. Got borrelios again! Thought it was enough to get it once in life. Don’t see many ticks munching on me, but out of the one digit number of ticks I remember removing, surely I have to get lyme disease ruddy twice. Worst thing is that I have to call a nurse, and I have such bad experience with the health care system that I rather just keep it to myself. Last time, the doctor assumed I was making things up and I had to ask him if he didn’t want to see the typical circular rash from where I removed a tick. The drug prescription was too short, according to what I read on the web, and I never really recovered. He didn't care to take a lab sample and this time there’s no use anyway, because if you had it once, you can’t tell if it’s a new infection or if it's old antibodies.

Thought I had enough health conditions already… don’t need some stupid lyme disease. Have the signs of encephalitis, because my neck is stiff, have a odd headache and I’m even worse off mentally and memory-wise than usual, but I don’t really care. Watched the movie “Awakenings” the other day, because I’m a huge Oliver Sacks fan, so now I’m telling my boyfriend maybe I should get some L-Dopa before I go catatonic.

Strange thing happened yesterday! Dreamed about the band Die Ärzte, as I mentioned in the blog, so I played the album “13” from 1995. I almost never play CDs, because at work they tortured me with two or three commercial music radio stations at once, pointing all speakers at me deliberately, for two years. Ask any asperger and you’ll know why this is extra tough. I can’t put up with music very well after that. After the song “Männer sind Schweine” I turned off the stereo and flicked on the satellite receiver, because my boyfriend wanted to watch a German soccer game and I had to fix the cables. The music channel VIVA came on, and they just started airing that very Ärzte video! They don’t show Ärzte alot, and what are the odds they’d play that old video? I don’t even watch satellite TV, and never VIVA!

Amusing video, featuring Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. I even own a tee. The singer Farin referred to the expenses of the computer animations in 1995 by saying “Don’t try this at home, kids”. The CD version has the voice of Winston in it, that’s so sweet. For many years my boyfriend thought “Die Ärzte” meant “The Peas”, but it’s “The Doctors”, which was amusing to correct. Peas… lol. Sometimes I wonder if he’s the one who’s half German, or if it’s me. I owe learning German to the Real Ghostbusters. Thanks for the lessons, guys.

Making a punk rock album

2009-09-04T14:01:00.006+02:00

Man, fever when sleeping causes strange dreams, indeed. Was making an entire album with my second favorite band, Die Ärzte. Bela B and me shooting videos and recording a new album. The songs were great, not something you realize were crap when waking up. Wonder if I was singing in my sleep. Not that I ever get rested when sleeping, but this was hard work. Was so ill yesterday evening that I didn’t know what to do, was just pacing around the house. Forget about eating for an entire day, because I have no sense of hunger, and I have to be careful so I don’t wound myself, because I have almost no sense to the skin… and so on and so on… boring...

Anyway, back to Die Ärzte. My boyfriend wrote a mail to another of their band members once, Farin Urlaub, asking if he could use a song in a school project. He answered right away, even as it was Friday evening! They had such a funny conversation, Farin wondering where he got their albums from, “they belong to my girlfriend, she had them before we met” but that he’d been a big fan before that… even more confusion on Farin’s behalf, were their band that popular in Sweden? They formed in 1984 (glorious year!) and I’ve collected their albums for some fifteen years. Here’s a link to one of their latest hits, Junge, gore warning. Includes an “Uncle Werner”, which is particularly amusing, because my boyfriend’s got such an uncle. Aw, I just love them… humor and talent galore! Bela’s into vampires and has to include a song on each album about such lovely creatures. Too bad the album Bela and I just made won’t make it to the stores.

As for stores, have to go shopping for groceries. Don’t see how that’s supposed to happen, given the shape I’m in. Hiding in the hood of a big black Ghostbusters logo sweater… have anime-punk hair because of stress, half has fallen off and the half that’s still there is a spiky crazed mess. Watching another Die Ärzte video, speaking of hair. “My baby was at the hairdresser and now I don’t like her anymore. Life is hard, life is hard.” Lol, word!

Watching RGB on tape

2009-09-03T19:10:00.003+02:00

No Swedish Real Ghostbusters on YouTube, but found an amusing contribution where someone had spent six minutes filming his Swedish RGB magazine collection. Simply had to make a video reply where I’d filmed mine. My odd sense of humor. Weird to see that clip, knowing those gems weren’t mine, but his!

Scanned and included the magazine pic which was missing on my site, because I was handling it when making that clip. As for “magazine” and “comic”, I learned that the latter has a certain amount of text, so the Swedish ones aren’t technically comics.

Had to play an entire videotape with the Swedish Real Ghostbusters in order to cure the abscense of their voices on the DVD release. Big smile when hearing “Trippelkola med nötter, din favvis!“, can’t hear Peter say that to Slimer too many times. Got upset when watching “Halloween 2½” because it’s got those awful Ghostbusters Juniors, a bunch you surely wanna flatten with a steamroller. Noticed they had some Ghostbusters ring, looking like mine! Didn’t remember that bit.

Drew some RGB stuff while listening, but didn’t turn out well. Always get disappointed when I draw. Tried to use ink an a steel blade pen for the first time, but my hand is too jittery and I don’t have patience to wait for the lines to dry. It’s grandpa’s old pen and after treating it with much force I managed to bend the blade enough to cooperate a bit, but beh…can’t ever calculate what the ink line will look like… thick, thin, blob, or just a scratch without any ink at all. Even works better if I keep the blade‘s front side downwards. The above pic is made with good ol’ grafit pen and colored on the comp. Not satisfied one bit, but I don’t draw much. Like, twice a year, or something.

Been running a temperature for over a week now. Had a million symptoms, but I prefer it, because I get less anxious. Don’t know why, but all the automatic accusations and panics mellow out a bit when I’m too ill physically to get anything done anyway. I figure that’s why I could calm down enough to draw.

Real GB voices on DVD

2009-08-28T12:59:00.002+02:00

Went to the mailbox right away when I woke up, and the DVDs had indeed arrived! Someone seems to be stealing our mail, and I wouldn’t let anyone get a chance to take this package away from me. The Real Ghostbusters DVD has four voiceovers: English, Spanish, French and German. It was such a joy to discover that it was indeed the German TV version, not the videotape one. Have a few of those on original tapes… perfect if you feel like squirming in horror. Never heard it sound so crisp and the picture quality was top notch! Now I can finally say I have all the German TV episodes, because the first episode “Ghosts R Us” got messed up by rainy weather when I tried to tape it via satellite. Never thought there would be a day I could actually buy it!

Quite amusing to flip through the various voiceovers. Happy about the Spanish version, really good, even if I don’t speak it. Well, French… they sure messed it up. Slimer was horrible, he had a deep voice! As my boyfriend put it regarding the French and Spanish Egon versions, “They don’t ever get Egon right, do they”. Amen to that! Worst Egon must be the British storybook version I have on audiotape, and Dutch is bad. Swedish Ernblad is okay, I figure, and I’m hard to please. Oh, and the obscure German Egon… terror.

Caught myself trying to tune into the Swedish voiceover on the DVD, but they didn’t include it. That’s so odd. They went through a lot of hard work making it, and it’s not on the Swedish release. It’s just incredible how much a TV-series changes with different voiceovers. As I said, I’ll always fancy the German version the most. They said they loved dubbing it and that really shows. “Winston” mailed me many years ago and included a group photo of the four, and you can feel the vibe, who’s impersonating each character. I’m still ashamed about mentioning this, because I got told off regarding voiceovers, but it’s still fascinating – besides, this is my blog, so sod off.

Surely had to check the subtitles and there was quite a bunch. The Swedish ones were so packed with mistakes! They should have asked me… but as my boyfriend pointed out, I don’t give out my e-mail address, and why would the DVD company bother anyway. Wish I could read Hindi, or Turkish. Watched several episodes and was delighted. Most peculiar that this DVD release has got much better picture quality than the collectors DVD edition! Too bad they excluded the episode title snippets with white text on black background.

The Extreme Ghostbusters DVD had those four voiceovers, too. The German version was the same as on TV, which I keep on tape. No Swedish voices, but the subtitling in Swedish was okay, at least the one I checked. Don’t feel as much about EGB as RGB, but cool to hear other versions. Why does it have that pixelisation? It must be produced that way. Looked the same on my American tapes, DVDs and on the air – when the picture freezes, there’s pixels. My boyfriend said EGB has better animation than RGB, but I strongly disagreed, at least when it comes to the nice looking early RGB episodes. He said that’s because I’m a puritan. We watched “Deadliners”, which I tend to call “The Craniac episode”, and the first two episodes. Always grumble about that nosebleed bit – Egon was underground many times in RGB and didn’t get a nosebleed.

Went to the grocery store in the afternoon and I was a proud fan at that point, so I wore a sleeveless tee. He sneaked up on me a growled “Vielleicht ist er tot” into my Ghostbusters tattoo and for a split second I thought it was some insane German guy attacking me. That’d be Eduardo’s catch phrase “Maybe he’s dead”. German Eddie’s voice is good, I figure. Best of the lot is, of course, original Kylie. Surely hit the honeypot. Goofed a bit with a packet of cookies and spoke like German Slimer in the store, “Kekse! Lecker!”, because he’s the only voice I can imitate. Nice that Herbst is lending his voice in RGB as well as EGB. My boyfriend said he’d give a lot for watching him record a Slimer session.

Even drew two pictures of Janine today, one displayed above. Didn’t like the outcome, but my boyfriend said I can’t seem to judge my own stuff, because he thought they were good. All in all, it was a very good Ghostbuster day.

Swedish DVD: Real Ghostbusters

2009-08-26T16:11:00.002+02:00

I’m so excited! Was checking release date regarding the Ghostbusters Xbox computer game. It’s getting on my nerves, not having played this game yet. Listed all Ghostbusters titles on the shopping site where I booked the game, and was astounded to see that Sweden has released its very own Real Ghostbusters DVD - first season on two discs! Doesn’t include the Swedish voiceover, so I figure the ones they aired on TV won’t make it to DVD, but lo and behold - it included German voiceover! I’m not sure if it’s my sweet beloved TV-version kind, or the dreaded videotape version, but surely I ordered it straight away. Can’t believe it, they released it in Sweden, with a Swedish cover! Am on a “buy nothing budget”, but I rather eat old shoes than miss out on owning this gem. Hope it’s better quality than the DVDs of my collector’s edidion complete collection box - the pixelasion pisses me off.

Not only did they release Real Ghostbusters, but Extreme Ghostbusters, first season! Ordered that too. Swedish release, my! Not sure about the release date when it comes to the DVDs, but I’ll find out somehow. Seems it wasn‘t so long ago. Listening to “The thing in mrs Faversham’s attic” on YouTube, or, ehrm, the German version, actually. I truly regret to have pointed out in fandom that I love their version, but… I really do love it. Silly smile on my face right now. Don’t know how many times I saw that episode, is enough to just listen to it in order to “see” the animation in my mind. Doesn’t seem like someone uploaded the Swedish voiceover episode on YouTube… or don’t know how to search for it. Aw, now I found “No one comes to Lupusville” in German on YouTube! Bliss!

Cat killer

2009-08-19T12:57:00.000+02:00

There’s been a cat killer next town and I’ve been so worried all year that he might do something to my cats. Yesterday he was confronted and outed on the contemporary crime website I mentioned before in this blog. The members solved the case all by their own. The police has been so arrogant and ignorant! I don’t trust the police one bit and this adds up. The “cat murderer”, which has become his nickname, turned himself in and confessed he’d tortured and killed twenty cats and a dog. He was stupid enough to write about it on the web and that’s how he got cornered.

The legal punishment is a disgrace… he’ll get a fine. It’s obvious this bastard will continue, but he won’t be able to do it where he lives, because he can’t show his face or a mob will beat him to a pulp. Because the police didn’t do their job, his name was outed. Someone will take the law in his own hands and I hope it’ll be soon. Imagine that someone can torture twenty cats to death and not even be put in jail! He’s obviously a sociopath, which is plain to see from the letters he sent the cat’s owners, telling them what he’d done step-by-step. A sociopath often starts off by torturing animals and this guy will kill people in the future, mark my words.

Went to shop for groceries yesterday, but my boyfriend didn’t join because he almost got a panic attack when he got in the car. Was glad to find a heating pad for my feet, as my old one got killed by lightning. They had one cheap in the grocery store, so I thank my lucky star. There’s something wrong with my feet - they are purple, blue and white even if I’m too warm above feet level. Always was like that, and I can’t find a medical explanation on the web. It’s curious and painful.

When I was at the library, the girl behind the desk said she liked my Ghostbusters tattoo! Didn't hear that very often, that's for sure.

Man on the moon next door

2009-08-15T14:35:00.003+02:00

Stumbled upon a website with a lot of old photographs. When I typed in the name of the area where I grew up, I found a photo of my great grandmother and her mother! One of the photos was familiar, but the other was new to me. It felt so odd, finding the faces of my ancestors in a museum photo collection on the web. The photos were taken some hundred years ago.

Speaking of ancestors, my family descends from the blacksmiths of the 17th century in the vicinity, and that makes us related to Buzz Aldrin! I’m thrilled, but takes a bit more research to be certain. Furthermore, that common ancestor lived in the house next to my parents’, where I grew up! My genome’s been on the moon, isn’t that something? I’m thinking of continuing my researches regarding ancestry, focusing a bit on the people that emigrated to the US. Better than staring at the wall and being miserable.

Yesterday I went to town on my own, because my boyfriend can’t join - he’s too ill. Bought two soft cat transportation bags, in case we’re moving soon. Also a lightning strike protection device for the phone line, because the dreadful thunderstorm managed to hit both the telephone cable and the power supply cable. Killed my foot warming pad, which I need badly or my feet will freeze and fall off, and a phone. We unplug everything all the time, but seems like the neighbor with the screaming kid wasn’t very precautios - his TV, computer, TV-box et cetera broke. He wrote that on his blog. Too bad the lightning strike didn’t short-circuit the kid’s vocal cords.

Was wearing a Real Ghostbusters tee in town, but I don’t ever look at people’s faces, so I don’t know if anyone looked. When I got home I had a bad migraine on the rise, but we watched Eddie Murphy’s “A vampire in Brooklyn”, which I adored. Very funny, I can see why it’s cult.

Being human

2009-08-09T16:00:00.002+02:00

Been a bad couple of weeks. Can barely leave the house. Getting through the days one by one, hoping that things will be better, but I don’t know for how long I’ll manage. Still looking for a new place to live, but the most recent house turned out to be too close to the heavily trafficked railroad and we can’t risk that the cats get hurt.

Cutting down on medication since Spring, because I have to try everything in order to change the situation. Have read a lot about anti depressives and maybe I’ll be better off not eating any. As for now, I’ll be able to quit completely within a fortnight. Haven’t consulted a doctor about it, because there isn’t any available, and they always just hear me out anyway. Feels like the last option, quitting medication. Doesn’t feel much worse to be on a low dose than a high one.

During the wee hours someone played eighties music, and at about 3 AM this someone managed to play Ray Parker Jr.’s “Ghostbusters”. That was nice, lying sleepless to the sound of my old song. An hour later I had given in and eaten a sleeping pill, so I don’t know when they quit making noise.

Speaking of noise, the five-year-old next door is making me very miserable. Yesterday she screamed all day again. Why does having aspergers include that some sounds are unbearable? Number one horror is babies and kids screaming. Did I mention that aspies have slapped yelling kids when we can’t escape, like on a small open ferry or in an elevator? I know you can’t do that, but I sure understand my poor kindred souls if they cross the border. Parents don’t care if they let their brats terrorize people in any way. Strangely enough, the sounds we can’t bear appears to correspond to those sounds cats can’t put up with. Chinking china and tin foil, dog barks, vacuum cleaning, things like that.

Our national TV is airing a wonderful BBC series, “Being human”. It’s six episodes about three aged twenty-something roommates, being a werewolf, a vampire and a ghost. Absolutely delightful and highly recommended! I’m thrilled they’re gonna make a second season. Saw the pilot as well, which was different in many ways, but I found it equally great. The pilot ghost girl was hard to understand because of her accent. Interesting to see how they go about when they sell in a TV-series. Glad they kept the actor portraying George the werewolf. He’s a natural. A nerd werewolf, love that. They have good episode plots and is very nicely filmed. The “serious talks” in the small room with Rien gnomes wallpaper is brilliant.

“Being human” has kept me afloat lately. Tried to write two RGB stories, but I can’t focus. My boyfriend is watching a Babylon 5 spin-off called “Crusade”, which he got on DVD from me on his birthday. Apparently Straczynski wrote some episodes.

July 14, 2009 - lil' laptop

2009-07-19T16:22:00.001+02:00

Finally, got a laptop! It’s just an old one dating back to 1996, which dad got cheap from a flea market, but still – my very own laptop! He’s got a new one now, so I asked if I can have this one, and he agreed. Have to get a 3½ floppy drive installed on the other PC or I won’t be able to transfer anything, but I found one in the cabinet, so hopefully that will work. Yet another miracle is that this Word program comes with an English spellchecker! That’s even better standard than our computer has to offer.

So neat to be able to sit anywhere I like, writing stuff. Haven’t checked the battery capacity, but can drag a power cable half way cross the garden, so I’m virtually mobile! Felt like a flashback to 1994, when we got a decent Windows 95 comp. Nice keyboard, almost inaudible when tapping on the keys. Ordered a laptop bag some two years ago, from Australia I think, because it had a nifty reflective Ghostbusters logo. Comes well in handy now.

My parents visited and it went well. Got their old TV box, so now we can watch all channels again. The cats thought it to be most peculiar that guests were staying here, so they were running around, not being sure if they dared to be in the house. My two old cats lived with me back at my parent’s house, and they said it was nice to meet again. Viktor thought it was fun to be around, so thrilled that he started chasing his own tail on the porch. Little Tigger didn’t dare to be patted, but at least they caught a glimpse of him. He’s been through hard times in his short life, so the only two people he trusts is us.

My boyfriend uses the comp so much that I haven’t been able to update my blog, but now I hope to be able to update it more frequently. Most important, I can use the laptop to write stories. Maybe I can continue my novel, or write Real Ghostbusters stories. Hopefully I’ll get around to write a new novel of some sort. Would be nice to be a successful writer, so I’ll get some income. Kidding – I know I’m not that good. Still don’t know if I’ll be getting any money from August and on. Some woman called last week and asked
questions regarding my sickness retirement. She said the primary reason was listed as being my aspergers. Well, I’d jump for joy if that was a greater reason than the depression.

Spotting the Ghostbusters game in a store

2009-07-05T07:10:00.003+02:00

Felt pretty okay in the morning, so I thought I should go to town. Ended up at the mall, a place I never visited before. It was a shock to find the Ghostbusters game for sale! There also was a big flag in the window, advertising it. Immediately phoned my boyfriend on the cell and asked why the heck the game was out, minding that I’ve ordered it months ago. He said the Xbox version wont be released until Fall, which I already knew. What I had spotted was the Playstation 3 version.

This I think is most unfair, so I declared I would buy the one in the store. He said we don’t have the consol. Can’t argue with that. I admit I can’t tell the consols apart, really, as I don’t use them. He also said that the American Xbox Ghostbusters game isn’t regional and that it works on our European version. He suggested I should buy it from overseas, but I figure I shouldn’t push my luck when it comes to expensive orders from a foreign country. Man, is this upsetting, or what…

Still felt alert when I got home, so I grabbed a sketch pad in order to make an illustration for my new Real Ghostbusters story. Yes, a miracle - managed to write a story! Had started one in January, but completed it the other day. Finally it was a thrill to write again. It even was fun to draw something. Just finished colored it in, but the art program was playing up… can’t make the “color burn” function work as it did in my old version. Some irritating jagged white lines appear when I use “paint bucket”. Quite boring to fix all white spots manually. Thought I should include the illustration in today’s blog. The story isn’t up, but I’ll add it to my site soon.

Another plane crash

2009-07-01T01:53:00.004+02:00

There was another plane crash this morning. An airbus, just like a month ago. More French people involved… the plane plummeting into the ocean between African mainland and Madagascar. A kid has been found, bless him. Hope there will be more survivors. Speaking of plane crashes, the black boxes from that other plane crash will stop transmitting today. Too bad they didn’t find them. Not surprising, because the signal has to be picked up way down below surface. Watched the movie “Flight 93” last Sunday, and was delighted to find it being very good. It’s about the plane that crashed in a rural area at 9/11 2001. I recommend you to watch it.

Last night we visited my boyfriend’s parents, because the U21 soccer final aired and Germany won. Didn’t watch it, so his Mom and I were having a conversation in the backyard. She’s downhearted about us leaving the area, but she also understands it's necessary. Hope our house will sell, minding the plunge in the market.

Read through my old blog entries. Noticed that it’s focused on how much it focuses on how I’ve been treated in the Ghostbusters fandom. If I think of Ghostbusters, which I do when I make entries in this blog, I tend to bring that up. I’ll try not to. Point made already, so maybe I ought to just make an abbreviation, or something.

Drew a portrait of Winston the other day. Should do it more often, but, above abbreviation inserted. Feature that drawing in today’s blog. It’s been very hot lately, even making it to the all-time high in the area. For three days it’s been too warm to be outside. Seems like there will be a thunderstorm coming up. Last time it killed our computer monitor, a nice flatscreen. Too bad.

RIP, Michael Jackson.

2009-06-26T07:47:00.002+02:00

June 26, 2009

Last night I checked the news on the web before going to bed. Found out that a news flash had been published just a minute earlier, saying that Michael Jackson died. That was a shock, even as I knew he was in pretty bad shape. Fox News established a streamed link and we saw the reporter waiting for the cue to start. Two hours later they still hadn’t made it to the press conference, so we went to bed, because it was 3 AM, local CET. A legend has passed away and I’m sad he was just 50 years old. He had planned to make a comeback tour and all tickets were already sold. Requiescat In Pace, Michael Jackson.

In the evening we were paid a visit by a friend of my boyfriend. They’ve known each other since childhood. They dug up a large set of magician’s gadgets and we had so much fun trying to figure out how to handle them. Included were, of course, the stuff they had ordered unseen and found out to have been fooled into buying, because they were described as being quite amazing. I filmed some and it was hilarious. The two goofed up all the time, as when they were doing the amazing trick of the levitating ball behind tees hung up to dry. They had always thought the ball was called ”Zoomie”, but the box read ”Zombie”. I’ve never seen such funny magicians. Unbelievable how you can undeliberately turn rope tricks and card tricks into such gags. Should upload the clips on youTube.

Learned that the Ghostbusters game is going to be released way later in Europe than in the States. That’s so unfair! I wonder if you can order it from overseas instead. That’s the first game I picked out and will pay for myself since NES. My boyfriend’s a computer game freak and buys a lot of consoles and games. This is why I pre-ordered the Xbox version, because Wii has the cartoon characters. Not as good as the Xbox, so I advice all fans to choose wisely.

The fine art of screaming

2009-06-25T04:24:00.002+02:00

This week my boyfriend got another verdict regarding why he’s not getting any sick list money. Because the first doctor refused to put him on the sick list last Fall, he’s not entitled to any money, even if he’s just as ill today as he was back then. New reason, still no money. Indeed have to sell my house and live off the money. Talked to my Dad on the phone, he said we can live upstairs in their house. I said I don’t want to be living with the ghost of my grandpa, but Dad said it’s quiet now. If it wasn’t a relative, I’d be happy to share my space with the supernatural, but he didn’t like me much.

One thing that makes me want to move is the neighbour’s kid. She’s screaming her lungs out from morning until dark. Today she didn’t go indoors until after 10 PM. The kid is five… why don’t they bring her inside earlier? It’s horrible… a torture to be outdoors. You couldn’t believe it if you haven’t experienced it yourself.

Her parents never tell her to stop screaming and they don’t give a damn about us neighbours. The owners of the little summer houses in the neighbourhood don’t come here much anymore… less noise back in town. I don’t mind if kids are noisy when they play, but this fog horn is yelling because she wants to make her family upset and obey her every whim. Her seven-year-old brother confessed to my boyfriend that his sister is making him miserable.

There is nothing to do about it! Studied the law book and it’s vague about how much one can pester neighbours sound-wise. The police don’t bother to come here, no use in asking them. Those lowlife parents let her scream for hour upon hour. She’s not shutting up for more than a minute, and they don’t make her stay inside because they can’t stand her. They have put fences and gates and stuff around their garden and monitor her through their windows.

We moved from the flat eight years ago because the neighbour downstairs was playing music all through the night, plus beating up her kid until he screamed, and threatened to do something bad to our cats if we asked her to pipe it down a so that we could get some sleep. Now we have lived with the new neighbours from hell for two years. They don’t even leave for vacation, so we can get a week or two to rest our ears, because they let their grandparents baby-sit when they go abroad.

This morning she woke me up again, even as all our windows and doors were shut and the bedroom faces away from their garden. Today she yelled she wanted to play hide-and-seek, but she couldn’t hide for a minute without screaming again. Put on the latest CD with my favourite band outdoors on the porch, Toten Hosen, but even as it’s tempting to put my foot down and have a little sound war, I don’t dare to let the people next door have any reason to be upset with us. I remember too well the nerveracking situation of neighbours making subtle threats. Also, my boyfriend just gets angry when I talk about it, and says I should just hire a hit man and kill off the kid. That’s no help.

Today I cried because of not being able to stay in the garden. It was the first sunny day after a rainy week. Earplugs don’t help - the shrill shrieks penetrate them. Yes, goes for industry headphones, too. I look like an idiot with those yellow things on my ears, but I don’t mind. Thing is you get a headache from the static pressure, and not being able to hear the wind in the trees or the birds is down-heartening.

Have to get a new house

2009-06-15T23:25:00.001+02:00

So, there is just one solution. We are looking for a new house in the village where I grew up. Have to give up the car and the house anyway, before getting some social welfare money. Because my boyfriend isn’t getting any money, even as hes on the sick list, we have to give up our house. It is not unlikely I get no money from August and on. If we sell, we will manage for two more years.

It feels stressing, but also it is a relief, knowing we wont live here longer than until Fall. I always felt marooned here, having no friends or any connection to the place. My roots literally go thousands of years back where my parents live, and that’s where I feel home. I’ve done research in church records, and that goes back to year 1650 something, even as they are a bit unclear that far back. There weren’t many people around at that point in time, and surely they are ancestors of the people of the stone age. I’ve seen stone axes dug up and it’s a strange feeling touching them, because the ones making them are of my blood.

Asked to get an entire room to house my Ghostbusters stuff - my own little temple. The stuff is currently tucked away and displayed in a much too small space, a bit disgraceful.

Pseudologia fantastica

2009-06-12T06:19:00.002+02:00

Stupid people, booking two of my library books. Had to make an unplanned excursion to town in order to return them. Got the book I was listed for, which I even encouraged the library to buy - one about the alleged worst serial killer ever in Sweden. Only that hes a heavily medicated pathological liar, convicted on eight accounts of murder and saying he commited 33 murders. Off topic - interesting suggestion, “mythomania” is altered into “myth mania” in this word processing program. Had to google that, and it seems to be a childrens book. Anyway, finished the book about the “murderer“ Quick, all in one read. Legal justice never stops baffling me, being so mistreated. I have no trust in it. Court justice hasn’t got much to do with truth.

Why is it I forget what book I read just the other day? Can read, at least sometimes, but seldom comprehend or remember much. At least I aint on comic magazine level at the moment. Seems pointless to read this much when it doesn’t stick. Often I look at a book at the library and cant remember if I read it, even if it was released just one or two years earlier. Okay if it’s a magazine, but a whole book? Then I look in a comic I havent read since I was ten, tops, and remember every panel.

There is an Egon Spengler versus Barton Fink on totallylookslike.com this week. Called “Spangler”, though. Was an almost identical entry a month ago. I like that, but still it feels very uncomfortable to see something about the Ghostbusters on the internet. Doesn’t seem I will ever get over that feeling. Im sure no one remember my contributions and still is out to hurt and ridicule me. I don’t believe something, or someone, will randomly lash out at me in person if totallylookslike includes one or two Ghostbusters photos, but I get the chills and try to block whatever might come at me.

I cant estimate how many hours I reasoned with myself that I should give up the guys and forget about it all. Is it an aspie curse? My fan tattoo wont rub off, and being a fan is under my skin.What if other fans were… nice. Cant believe Im even pondering that.

Meeting the new doctor

2009-06-09T12:17:00.002+02:00

Went to see the doctor yesterday. Couldn’t sleep - I don’t recommend paying the doctor a visit when you havent slept for 24 hours. Before seeing her, I had googled her name, but didn’t learn much. Had a suspicion she was an immigrant, and that proved correct. Always had a problem with foreign accents, because being Aspie is based on interpreting manually, and I realized we didn’t connect very well.

She hadn’t read up on me at all. Spent too much valuable time explaining the basics to her. Started off with her trying to cut it short from the very start, simply throwing me out into work practise. I tried to stay calm and explained that Im in no condition to work. Who would want me around, a woman too depressed to read or count? Of course I want to work. Ive worked when I was worse off than now. That’s why I know it will be a disaster.

For some reason, I thought I would have learned what decision she made, so Id know what will happen this summer. New rules… she has to write a recommendation, and a doctor who has never seen me is making the final judgement. That will take at least a month. Im so worried that I don’t know what to do. She said I should sell our little house and move into a flat. I answered that would be more expensive, and that we’d have to move far away. I cant remember everything. It was horrible. I want my old doctor back, but he retired. I wanna see my shrink, but shes on a long term sick list and then on vacation until Fall. I want to talk to somebody, but there is no one. I could get out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Oh, and she said I must eat no sleeping pills. I see the point, but I will be so messed up from a lack of sleep.

Sven Svensson x4

2009-06-06T13:55:00.001+02:00

Today is our National day, but doesn’t really mean much in terms of celebration. We’ve been in no war since 1814, and the cause for us to pick today’s date is because Gustav Vasa became King in 1523. National day is mostly known for causing anti-immigration rallies.

Learned that my maternal great great great grandfather something participated in pulling the priest down from the stand when he was supposed to preach at Christmas Mass, because the priest was drunk. That’s pretty cool. My ancestor’s name was Sven Svensson, but there are no less than four Sven Svensson in a row in my family roots. So, can’t be sure which one it was. I can imagine it must have been hard to tell them apart back then, as they all lived in the same small village. Oh, and the first Sven Svensson’s father’s name was Sven. A bit puzzling. My boyfriend’s additional first name is Sven, and he got it from his uncle Sven. I’m haunted by Svens! My boyfriend’s Dad’s additional first name is Egon… that I like.

Digging for roots

2009-06-05T01:08:00.002+02:00

Wanted to watch “Who do you think you are” tonight, last rerun of the Nigella Lawson episode. The new TV receiver box broke down and the new one wont work, besides from all the scrambled channels and two free. Too bad... I’m very interested in researching family roots. Seems this Swedish channel picked five episodes from the six seasons on BBC - celebrities we can recognize in our little dear country up North. Luckily, they aired the Stephen Fry episode before the TV box broke, so I could watch and tape it. Love his work... my boyfriend said I must find Fry appealing, but I said I prefer his more brain-related talents. Borrowed one of Fry’s novels from the library recently, one that hasn’t been mangled through translation. Haven’t read it yet.

Speaking of looking for roots, I’ve converted my investigation of my Moms roots to html. Easier to get the whole picture. Have been reading old church records, colleting names and data, and try to get as far back in history as possible. Feel bad, somehow, to be upset with some priests jotted handwriting quarter of a millennia ago.

Interesting when there are books about people and customs in a specific vicinity and come across a little old lady being interviewed that states “In that collection of houses they supposedly had the power of witchcraft”, realizing that must be my ancestors she’s talking about! Witchcraft running in my veins, eh? Neat. Hoping to look up the emigrants. Very, very many people migrated to the States. Maybe they met someone and had a family. Fascinating to find out how they managed. Easier to research if you’re Mormon, unfortunately. No royal blood so far, just farmers. Common people. Finding out that they stayed in the same area for maybe 400 years. Always felt wrong to have moved this far south, far from my ancestral roots.

Plane crash and personal financial crash

2009-06-02T12:08:00.000+02:00

I always watch the Canadian series "Mayday", which airs after midnight in the weekend. Yesterday I read about the French plane that supposedly crashed in the sea near Senegal. The odd thing is that "Mayday" covers a wide variety of reasons for a specific plane to crash, and it seems like it was the same reason yesterdays plane crashed as the one in the seventies featured in latest "Mayday". Going into the storm cell, maybe the instruments recieving echoes from the storm clouds being misinterpreted or deceptive. Maybe the Paris plane was struck by lightning in the storm.

Hope they can find the flight data recorder, the "black box". From what I learned, it sends out beeps for thirty days unless damaged. Hard to find the black box if its deep down in the sea, though. There seems to have been three Swedes onboard. Hope there are survivors, but maybe a hope in vain. My thoughts go out to the passengers and relatives.

Yesterday I learned that my boyfriend isnt gonna get any money whatsoever in the future. Didnt get any since he fell ill this Fall and in this country youre supposed to get a bit of money if you cant work, but the current politics mess things up. People are allowed to get social welfare, but Im supposed to support him on my "pre-retirement" money, being the lowest amount possible. We, or I, must have no buffert in the bank for six months, or therell be no social welfare. We have to pay 200 000 SEK this year because the municipal forces us to install new water and sewer, in spite ours working just fine. I dont have that kind of money in the bank.

Must sell my car, an old one - do I have to mention no one wants to buy cars? Same problems here as with General Motors. Eventually having to give away our cats, sell the house and move to a cheaper place. That means far away from here, because there are no cheap houses around here. Maybe move north to where I grew up, places there are much cheaper. Surely, no jobs there.

To top it all, I have to go to the doctor on Monday to find out if I will get any money from July and on. Im cursed when it comes to doctors, and money, and I cant read up rules because of my severe depression. Neither can my boyfriend, hes too messed up, just like me. We are allowed to get a loan, because the municipal is forcing us to fork out for the new plumming, but the mortgage percentage is off the scale. No way we can manage. Besides, the house market is plummeting and we wont get much if we manage to sell our house.

Worst thing? Emotionally, our cats. They are my world. I cant imagine to give them up. They are our "children". Even if Im too ill to leave bed, take a shower, or eat, they are the number one priority. Always tend for them, give them food. Dreamed that Morticia was getting smaller and smaller until she disappeared. It was such a nightmare. Slept from 5 PM to 10.30 AM this morning. Typical when Im extra stressed, or not being able to sleep for two or three days. Im running out of sleeping pills - had to take some every night this year. Thoughts tormenting me, cant fall asleep. If I manage to suddenly fall asleep without being drugged, like yesterday, I have bad bad nightmares. Always dead tired no matter what. Have thoughts of suicide for a year, not as bad as it has been, when I thought of it every two minutes.Im so depressed. Already eating the highest dose of anti-depression medication, Efexor and Lamictal combined, so no way of upping the dose.

Wish I had the soothing effect of the Ghostbusters, but I panic when it comes to anything produces pre-internet, meaning 1995 something, when I started my site. The new game will be out next month, but as my boyfriend said today, he will probably have to play it instead of me, because of my panic. Way to go. Panic stricken fan.

J. Michael Straczynski movie

2009-06-01T12:45:00.000+02:00

Yesterday my boyfriend and I watched the "Changeling" movie. I didnt know much about it, besides from vaguely guessing what genre it is and that Angelina Jolie is the main actress. We were delighted and gave it a 5 outta 5, because we always rate movies weve seen and pretty much always agree on the score. Stayed to watch the credits and dropped my chin when it said that J. Michael Straczynski had written it!

He is the guy who made the Real Ghostbusters what they are. He wrote the best episodes and brought so much life and wit to the series. Was a bit puzzled how he could write a script claimed to be a "true story", but googled the film and found that he had spent a year researching the event which took place in the late 1920s. I dont wont to spoil the plot, but its the kind of true story I always look for when roaming the library. A pleasent and surprising way to learn what J. Michael Straczynski has been up to lately.

Its sad that Susan Boyle didnt win the competition. Today I read she had some kind of mental breakdown caused by stress. I worried something like that would happen. I pray that shell meet nicer personnel than I did when being admitted to a psychiatric ward. As for coming second best in the competition, I agree with the article I read yesterday - that the Americans dont care if she won or not, because they want to see the woman who got a hundred million hits on youtube. Shes supposed be out on a tour in the US in the future.

Dear Susan,

2009-05-30T07:16:00.000+02:00

Hope youre doing okay. I know you wont read this, but I wish you would forget about the rude articles. You have the voice of an angel and my hair always stands on end when I hear you sing. Its hard to get over when people tell you off in public.We pray that you will get your self esteem back and sing for us this weekend. Id vote for you if I could. Susan Boyle, a hundred million hits on youtube must show you that we love you and want you to reach out to us again from that stage. Never forget you have shown that an ordinary woman can be an extraordinary one.

The day I was dumped

2009-05-30T07:15:00.000+02:00

Have to get this off my chest somehow. I was the designer and webmaster of a cat shelter site. I used to help out a lot at the shelter in terms of feeding and medicating the cats. Soon I took over the neglected site. Updated daily, did the proofreading, took pictues. There are two headmasters of the cat shelter and one of them said I was not allowed to correct her faulty lingo anymore. Was rather tired when I edited her text that morning when fixing the bad grammar. She started spamming me with mails about how I had “ruined the message”. Capslock, a million exclamation marks, very rude. I debated its important to use a common language that everyone can comprehend, not publishing her personal odd phrasing. Little did I know before she told me off, really offending me... not even seeming to comprehend what made her upset.

That was it. I had to get out of the situation. There was no use in explaining why I had changed that word. I was crying for hours and wrote back that Id continue to be the webmaster for the cats sake, but no use. She let her ego stand in the way for the update of the site, the most important link to the public. I went there at midnight and left the key along with the passwords. Hugged the cats, knowing I couldnt come back and see them for a very long time – maybe never.

Turned off my cellphone, knowing that the sane headmaster could reach me on the other phone, visit me, maybe send a mail or a text message. Nothing happened. They dumped me. Total silence. A month later, or something like that, they got a new webmaster. He isnt very skilled, so he managed to crash the images and mess up pretty much everything. Didnt look good, but what am I supposed to do. It got better after a few weeks, but not much happens regarding updates. Maybe they didnt find new owners for the cats. Maybe they dont care about updating.

There was never an excuse. She said there was nothing to excuse, that I was just an idiot. The grammar is a catastrophe nowadays. Thats the way she wants it. Like my shrink said, before I even brought it up – “the webmaster seems to know what shes doing, but the ones caring for the cats... what kind of people are they?” She had looked through the cat shelter sites just recently because she wanted to adopt an abandoned cat.

Ive read more than estimately 2 500 books, mostly scolastic books (thats the right word, “fackböcker”?), but also decent novels. Ive written several books. Few people have read as many books. How can she suggest I dont know how to handle grammar? Why was it worth so little that I proofread before I publish? Okay, Englist isnt my first language, but believe me – I know my way around Swedish. How can they just dismiss my charity efforts? It benefitted the adoptions of those cats.

I went there almost daily to feed and care for the little ones. Im barely able to leave the porch because Im scared theyll lash out at me if they see me. I adopted an abandoned sweet guy, almost dead from starvation, and now hes such a loving healthy feline. They never asked how hes doing. They didnt care that I was devastated, never got in touch again. I dont dare to go to the shelter and I dont have the key. Ill never volunteer to do charity work again. I dont even want to have anything to do with any human being. Cant seem to do anything right. It still hurts so much. Maybe I can update my own site, settle with the Ghostbusters. Id rather help the cats, but I cant choose that option.

Ten blogs...?

2009-05-30T05:48:00.001+02:00

Surely, couldnt remember password or what the blog was called. Turned out I had to go through the procedure of getting a new password and have it sent by e-mail. Lucky, I had it registered on my current e-mail address. To my surprise, I have some ten blogs at Blogger! Just one of them active. I recall there was a persistent bug when I tried to create an account, but ten blogs? Maybe I can cancel the empty ones. Found the "hide comments" option, relieved about that. Odd, when I googled "persistent" for the correct spelling, I was told its got something to do with acne or bad breath. English never stops baffling me.

Back to fight the evil

2009-05-30T05:43:00.000+02:00

First, Id like to apologize and explain to those who got no answer from me. Especially when it comes to private messages. I dont know if someone posted in this blog – maybe I left it open for comments. I havent looked. Also I apologize for the odd English which is to follow. This keyboard doesnt seem to have the abbreviation key. Thats what you get if buying a cheep keyboard like this.

As you might have noticed, theres been no updates regarding my site ghostbusters.se for a very long time. This isnt because I stopped being a fan... theres no way Ill ever stop. Been devastated and hamptered by the comments I got when I was active on mailing lists and by what I was told in mails. It will always haunt me, it seems, to a point of not being able to produce art, stories or whatever. Its been many years since I posted anything.. The worst thing was to be publicly ridiculed and bluntly told off at lenght as a person, not just regarding my art and stories. After that I was totally ignored. There was nothing to do. I regret it so bad, having posted anything. Regretted it every day for so many years.

Last week I was able to draw a few portraits of the RGBs. First time I didnt panic when holding a pencil and looking at a sketch pad. I missed drawing, and I miss writing stories even more. Being short of money, Ive ordered just the most neccessary things over the years, such as the new GB comics and the official collectors edition of RGB episodes on DVD. Booked the game, of course. Im so looking forward to it. There will be a uprise in GB fans. New ones, unlike an anachronism like me. New opinions and new canon. GBs using cellphones, I figure. Heresy!

Yeah, I should know better than to comment new GB stuff, any stuff whatsoever, but heres one. The four new miniseries comics as of last year. Me no like! Not the story, the art, the characters, the design, the covers. Can I say that? Thrilled that there was a recent GB release, but who wrote the stuff? Some Venkman (Venk-Man! even) obsessed superhero fan? Cant even figure where to begin pouring oozing goo on the thing. The guys never talked like that. Hurts my eyes. Couldnt they let someone experienced proofread, make the story add up, scrap the faultering plot, discard the completely incorrect cover and let the GBs be the GBs we know and love? If theres RGB influence, why not let it be moderately canon? And their hair! What happened to their hairstyle? Need tip-ex and a filter pen.

Okay, lets drop the topic. My most recent personal horror took place just an hour ago. Posted about a robbery on a site dedicated to rumours and brainstorm regarding crimes. My post was deleted right away by the moderator! “Cant publish links to articles because it violates copyright laws.” Way to go. My first post, immediately refused at 4:30 AM. So not going to log on again. Apologized to the moderator a million times, explaining that I thought it was okay to link in a spoiler, because many people do. What was I supposed to do, post my petition and “go ahead, google it, make sure you take a peek at the surveillance cam photos if you can find them”. They rob the grocery store, axe and gun in hand, and I mustnt post?

Well, thats all, folks. Lets see if my blog is still out there and cross fingers that I remember the damn password. Ill see if I can update the site. Kick it back into action. There must be something I can throw in. A sketch, maybe. Sorry I cant proofread the English above... the Word dictionary wasnt included on this comp. Beh.

September 21 - Finnish pins

2007-09-22T12:53:00.000+02:00

Seem to have snapped outta sleeping mode. My boyfriend’s not home, but having a meal with a guy he met while excavating a site in Greece. Feels odd to be home alone. He’s always around.

I’m watching some old tapes from 1990, currently “Lost and foundry”. It includes the legendary omnios quote “These are no ordinary cans” by Egon. Or, not so legendary. Whatever. Awfully sweet guys they are. Probably no one else have these old copies of the Swedish voiceover shows. What a shame. Really want a video card for this comp, in order to digitalize the eps, to prevent them from fading away. Maybe I could make audio captures of it all.

Was gonna buy four enamel pins of the RGBs, but had second thoughts when I reconed the seller was stationed in Finland. Getting stuff from Hong Kong was a bad enough experience, so I reluctantly let the pins slip and let them be won by guy for six dollars plus shipping. “Ghostbusted” hates not winning an auction! What’s a Finnish seller doing on a Swedish auction site, anyway? May thee and thy temptations be banned!

September 20 - Metro tattoo

2007-09-22T12:50:00.000+02:00

Wasn’t seeing my shrink, as she cancelled again. Watched three taped episodes of “Heroes” together with my boyfriend. They were excellent! It’s uncommon to follow a series with such pleasure. Okay, the script is wonky, but the actors and all the rest is great. You somewhat forgive the lame storyline. Learned that the series is popular around the world. Ought to be.

Isn’t that stupid comment poll of the Metro internet magazine ever gonna go away? I happened to state that I understand the guy who got himself Nintendo tattoos all over his arm, and however he’ll be regretting it next year. That I waited over ten years of GB love before I had my tattoo made... after all, Super Mario love and GB love turned into a tattoo must correspond. The subject still hasn’t disappeared, and it’s been like a fortnight. Wouldn’t have written anything if I knew it was gonna stay for that long. Feel stupid.

September 19 - Cat spots ghost. Run, cat, run!

2007-09-22T12:48:00.000+02:00

My boyfriend said he watched a tv-show about “real ghost photos” on the Internet, and soon enough an ”evil presence” seemed to have joined him. Our cat Decibel got increasingly agitated, looking towards the door and the assumed presence, and after some time she ran out like she saw something. I’ve known my little girl for eleven years, and she never did that. Her favorite spot is in the computer room, and she thought she’d rather leave it. My boyfriend thought the wibes were so unpleasent that he wanted to leave the room and go to bed. This “presence” didn’t agree about him leaving, so it followed him to to the bed after he stubbornly had finished watching the show. Me? Sleeping thru it all. It’s sleeping season.

September 18 - The Chinese Ghostbuster

2007-09-22T12:45:00.000+02:00

18 Met my body therapy nurse for the second time. Being in a drowsy state, I agreed to postpone the exercises. Filled out a few forms, estemating my mood on a scale from one to a hundred points. Pointed out that’s rather hard, but that I figured that pondering on how to commit suicide at least every five minutes must count as a hundred. Now I was more of a generous eighty. We cut it early.

Picked up my “Chinese Ghostbuster” painting, which I ordered to be framed and put behind glass. Had it tucked away since I visited China last year, but thought I oughta do something about it. The story is: we were watching a Chinese guy talk about his art school and showing us a few paintings his school mates and teachers had made. He held up one of a “spirit hunter” and I knew I had to get that one. The price was reasonable, so right after the lecture I stepped forward and asked about that watercolor piece. “It’s the Chinese Ghostbuster!” he beamed and I was dumbfound. There was no Ghostbuster logo visible on me, no nothing. The rest is history, and the painting is mine.

September 15 - Mr Sandman land

2007-09-22T12:44:00.000+02:00

Because of barely getting any sleep for almost 48 hours,in spite of sleeping-pills, I slept for three days. From weeks of little sleep to weeks of wanting to do nothing but sleep. I can’t say I did much else - hardly even eating.

September 14 - More action figures? Err...

2007-09-22T12:42:00.000+02:00

Went to the body therapy nurse for the first time. My shrink said she didn’t know that I have a heap of pains and aches, so she figured I could see the nurse. After waiting some six months, I got an appointment. It went smooth. Really have this problem with people not fancying me after the first impression, but nurses and such are more tolerant, so we turned out getting along just fine. She asked me a bunch of questions and I had to sum up my shit, which I did on numerous occasions, so I got that part sorted out rather fast.

Someone mailed me about whether I was buying his three Kenner action figures. He said he’d rather ask a collector before putting them on internet aution. Needless to say, I have them already, uncarded as his – the policeman, the “scuba Ray” and the trashcan man. I’ll better get back to him. Cute to think of mailing me. Such auction figures can sell for an amazingly large amout of money around here, but on eBay they’re to be picked up for a buck.

September 13 - Ectomobile

2007-09-22T12:40:00.000+02:00

Had to go to a large town nearby to check my car in order to keep it in traffic. I so don’t like finding my way around places I rarely went. Fortunately I found the way to the car tester building and let the guy enter my car. He kinda laughed smugly, as I looked spooked, casually displaying my Ghostbusters tattoo on my upper arm. The GB logo sunshades in the back seat windows, and a joyful Kenner action figure in the shape of Ray dangling from the rear window mirror – must be the traits of a madwoman. Ray, complete with proton pack and a plastic curvy proton beam which might poke you if the road’s bumpy. My car was okay, but needed a wash. I can live with that. Phew.

September 12 - The sound of Sony

2007-09-22T12:35:00.000+02:00

Got the note saying that my six carded Extreme Ghostbusters action figures is waiting for me at the gas station. Hey, don’t ask – we don’t have any Post Office in Sweden. They were regarded as being too expensive to run, so the postal service sold out to gas stations and grocery stores. It’s been upside down ever since. Don’t try to find a place where to buy stamps. Go for e-mail.

(Sony snippet removed)

September 11 - $150 comic, plus 20 cent

2007-09-22T12:29:00.000+02:00

Got a reply from the guy who wanted to sell me the Real Ghostbusters issue of January 1990 which was withdrawn and reprinted with a wholly different content. He said he forgot about the whole thing all through summer. Anyway, he’d been to a comic seller, learning that his copy was worth some 150 dollars. He congratulated me on having found it on an internet auction for 20 cent.

This kinda makes me wonder – if that issue was never released, the guy salvaging an issue, howcome it was let out in a heap of various used comics by someone else? Okay, I admit I heard about this fluke issue only from this guy, and then it promply happened to be listed cheaply on auction, but it’s still weird.

September 10 - Tourettes

2007-09-22T12:27:00.000+02:00

One of them strange mood swings. First half of the day was unusually fine, but in a split second I plunged. Watched a great documentary about Tourettes, which means you have uncontrollable tics. The British guy was seeing people with other mental problems, like schizophrenia. As he used to be a talented concert pianist, this being his vent, he also visited a young autistic guy. He was so cute! This I had to tell my boyfriend, and he questioned if that little guy was blond and had glasses, which I reluctantly had to admit.

It was rather fascinating (ow, wrote that word without any hidden agenda) that the Tourettes man came to the conclution that the autistic boy seemed not to be very inspired, but rather cold regarding his gift of making great jazz music. An autist seeming not emotional? That’s a laugh. When did they ever? I’m writing this as aspergers is also called ”mild autism” and I have indeed read up on it. Poor man, he was on the quest of finding his love and fascination again, but I don’t think the inspiration is to be found in the excitement of an autist doing his thing. No offense.

September 9 - Morticia

2007-09-22T12:26:00.001+02:00

In the evening I went out and walked a short bit down the woods, calling out for one of my cats in my silly cat-calling voice. It’s a very effective lure, as cats I never met will point their ears and join me, as well, but it sounds stupid indeed. It reminds of how sheperd girls call for their far away cattle.

Anyway, my little Morticia showed up, happy as happy can be. She was almost bouncing up and down in excitement. Let’s go to the forest! Let’s talk a walk! We ended up in the area of the little waterfall, as she lead me there, and we spent some quality time. It’s strange how all my cats love talking a walk.

September 8 - Goes bump in the night

2007-09-22T12:24:00.000+02:00

Free channel airing Anime all night and I taped it. The first movie was the delightful “Spirited Away”, which I’ve already seen. My top gloop is Kaonashi, aka No-face.

When I was trying to sleep after midnight, my boyfriend was playing WoW, some instance I suppose. He’s a well respected member of his guild and will resume his duties of being the mage officer. Anyway, I got a bit of a shock when he slammed the computer room door really hard and got back in his chair, continuing to play. What was going on? He never did that before! He’s not the violent kind. That instance must be very frustrating.

Then, again, the door slamming! As the computer room is just next from the bedroom, there’s little chance I misunderstood where the sound came from. During the next half hour or so, the door had slammed some twenty times. Didn’t dare go ask him what was going on, as he apparently had gone mental. My ear was pounding with pain from the noise – I do have problems with sudden loud sounds already. The other ear I was pressing against my pillow.

When he stopped playing and tip-toed to our bedroom, sticking his head in just to fetch the cellphone charger, I lashed out: “What you think you’re doing!” and he froze. He said he didn’t mean to wake me. “You assume I manage to sleep when you slam the door like that?” I asked in an ironic voice. He didn’t think he slammed it, just opened and closed the doors very gently. “You banged it! At least twenty times! Full force! It just got worse!” and then we agreed that we didn’t agree.

How can your ear be pounding, and actually heat, due to all the noise, if it’s imagined? There even were the crunching and plopping sounds I get from too loud noise. I swear it was no dream. I heard every little thing he did – taping a re-run, fetching something from the fridge, moving about in the squeaky computer chair. Oh, and banging the door. He said it was probably paranormal, on my frequency. That I’ve been receptive lately. Bah. Humbug.

September 7 - Heal! Heal!

2007-09-22T12:20:00.000+02:00

7 My boyfriend and I were talking about spirits and healing and stuff at night before going to sleep. For some reason we don’t do that much, even as we’ve encountered some odd stuff. He said he’d be clearing my aura and I go “yeah, right”, even as it seemed to work before. After talking some more, a peculiar sensation filled me, head to feet. “What’s that you’re doing?” I snapped. “I’m doing nothing,” he retorted. “But what’s that heat thing?” I urged to know. “I feel it too,” he said, and confirmed that he begun feeling it the same moment I did.

It was flowing back and forth, cleansing me, creating a calm I don’t get from anything. It must be what feeling okay means. Old phobias didn’t smack me in the face when I thought of them. Things were alright. I was thankful, thinking this I couldn’t be doing of my own, but no “presence” was in the room. Sometimes they’ll be cooping up in the bedroom, if we talk about paranormal stuff, one presence adding to the other, but this time it was just some mindless force.

The backlash came when I said “not” in a short comment after quite some time. That wonderful feeling faded rapidly. I so wanted it to start again, and my boyfriend was still experiencing it, but that was it. Figured that pronouncing a negation stopped the flow. How I missed it.

September 6 - The Heroes are rising

2007-09-22T12:18:00.000+02:00

Was gonna se my shrink, but learned she’s not at work. In the evening my boyfriend and I watched the first episode of “Heroes”, that new TV-series. They started airing it on a free channel. I absolutely loved it! Super heroes is nothing new to me, thinking of how I’ve been reading, collecting and loving Superman for a whole 25 years. It’s tough to produce super hero series and movies, as it becomes a laugh, but this one’s good. My favorite Hero is the little japanese guy, Hiro.

September 5 - Meet Harold Raims

2007-09-22T12:14:00.000+02:00

Had to go shopping for groceries. As usual, I was heebie-jeebies about driving. I picture an accident or two occuring because of my faulty driving. Not that I ever had an accident in thirteen years of driving, but if you’re paranoid, you’re... paranoid.

My boyfriend had stopped playing World of Warcraft for six months, but refused to delete the characters and stop paying the fee. I don’t play anymore since four months. Gave up after encountering rude people and being mistreated by a guild member when I dared to join a raid, finally, after two years of gaming. I’m too affected by my social phobia even to team up with some other Europeans and play. Way scared that I’d make the tiniest mistake. Alynda, Ghoulia and Egon, my main characters, will have put up with their long unruly rest. Above, Ghoulia in her early levels, meeting the NPC in World of Warcraft. No, the name is not a coincidence. Blessed be Blizzard.

September 4 - Viktor, boxed

2007-09-22T12:12:00.001+02:00

Time for our cat shelter guy Viktor to get his annual vaccination. The photo shows when he’s sitting in a small cardboard box which used to contain a model Slimer I ordered from the US. That’s the sweetest photo I have.

We went to the vet, bringing Morticia and Decibel along. They too needed to start up their vaccination, and additionally get a code tattoo on their left ear. Through this code, people can turn to a register and ask who owns the stray. Not that my girls stray, but you never know. Our beloved Azrael disappeared without a trace over a year ago and I’m sad every day. The two times in my life when I turned to God, if there is one, was when Azrael disappeared and when I’d been locked up at the crazy house. They wouldn’t let me out. Losing Azrael still was the worst of the two. How I regret the young cat didn’t have a code tattoo!

The visit went well. We didn’t know how Viktor would react to being handled by strangers, poked with a needle, so we said they’d better watch out. He’s the most adorable social guy, but he’s strong and has some bad memories from before we adopted him that might kick in. It was heartbreaking to see my lovely beautiful Victor simply shake by fear, eyes open wide.

The sister cats of mine were brought home unconscious. Morticia, the girl who always tries to reach Mach 1 whatever she’s up to, woke up quickly and was allowed venture outdoors after being able to stand on her four legs for two hours. Decibel, her slightly older sister, was way more woozy and needed many more hours to feel fit again. As usual when she’s worried she demanded to stay in bed with me, under a cozy blanket. She says that’s the safest place in the world.

September 3 - Murray drunk in Stockholm

2007-09-22T12:01:00.000+02:00

A week ago, Bill Murray thought he’d drive back to his hotel. Well, drive back there was a very slow and odd occurance, golf cart style. Things weren’t getting any better when it turned out he was a drunk driver. The police brought him in and said he’ll have to undergo a simple breath test, to show his level of intoxication. Murray declined and said he couldn’t do that, because the US laws doesn’t state he has to.

Okay... thing is, he was in our capital, Stockholm. As far as I know, we never applied US laws on anything. He did agree to undergo a blood test, and signed a form that said he would take the consequences if he was to be found guilty. The police said they never met a drunk driver, in the middle of the night, steering a golf cart in the heart of Stockholm. Add to that, a famous American actor. One big Swedish evening paper put it that “Murray’s been GhostBusted!” and I kinda appreciated that heading.

September 1, 2007 - Listed on Wikipedia!

2007-09-02T05:14:00.000+02:00

I just don't search for Ghostbusters on the web. As an exception, I got curios what sites Wikipedia suggest regarding "Real Ghostbusters". My always paranoid mind concluded that no one would point me out as being some useless bore, as personal attacks ought to be forbidden. Hoped that the Swedish version would suggest my site, as it's the ghostbusters.se after all, and whaddaya know... the link was there! I suspect the Wikipedia contributer had even looked at my site in order to complete his little description.

Somewhat confident, thinking I'm not all forgotten if the biggest search site displays my site, I thought I'd better check the omnipotent Mother of Swedish Wikipedia. Yeah, the English one. Can't hurt to see what the suggest sites are called.

First links of "Real Ghostbusters" were some official sites, but then things got really weird. First suggested site is the one belonging to Timo, the German guy I actually met. Hi, Timmy. Second one is PKE Online! They so must be kidding. This might be the reason why I got ssome serious hit boost some time ago. I have no idea what this suggests... it's just hard to comprehend. Given the aversion people have shown regarding foreign fans, I don't see why someone would pick a German and a Swedish site to top the list, right after the official ones.

Okay... hm... Occam's Razor trial... maybe Timo did it? Rain? Hi, Rain. Maybe. I don't get it. Checked Wikipedia again, and our sites are still there. So strange. There's something weird in the neighborhood...

August 27ht -Temple Grandin

2007-08-29T05:59:00.000+02:00

Gotta read up on the Raëlians. There's always something to investigate, but yet nothing. They claim to be ahead of everyone else when it comes to human clones. Well, whatever.

Sitting here by the comp, doing shit. My boyfriend's got the first job of his life, being 32. Paperboy in the weekends. Still, this is enough to get me closer to Life. Managed to clean a bit for the first time in years, just because of him finally trying to get a job. Usually I just huddle up in some corner and literally whine. Now I'm sane enough to see this ain't gonna work.

It's always been me bringing in the dough. Since five years I'm recieving the smallest amout possible from being on the long-term sick list. This is what we have, apart from what he gets from his student loan. That's no salary - it's a loan, and he's gotta pay it back. Still he says he doesn't have to work until this-and-that date. Now he got a job as a paperboy on weekends. That's all he's gonna get. It's nothing. It's what I paid the vet recently when my cat got a wound.

I'm so worried! I can't live on like this. Worried in limbo. I'm too sick to work it out. Gotta get a job. I'm still shell-shocked about people putting dead flies in my coffee mug, telling boss about how useless I am. People wanna get to me, and they wanna get to me bad. That's no imagination.

"A feeling for cows" is on today. Temple Grandin is an aspie, as well as I. She makes cows take an interest in her. I make cats become my friends. She made cows more comfortable walking towards their death without too much objections. I make cats follow me, just by communicating that I understand cat language. My cats are my treasure.

Yeah, I'm drunk. First time in many months. I've done good. Limbo, and no booze until now.

August 23rd - Shrink

2007-08-29T05:35:00.000+02:00

Seeing my shrink again. There's been many weeks since I saw her last time. She was away because of some family trauma, or something. I don't quite know. Aking your shrink about her life does put a sordine (is that an English word?) on your forty-five minutes, so I figured I'd better ask once I left. "Life is a rocky road", she said. I understood what she implied.

Came to think of the way she looks upon me. There's no question she likes me. I might be an aspie, but I've been reading up about body language since I was a kid. She does like me, and she hinted that I'm one of her... err... favourite clients. We really do get along. That's weird - I don't get all worked up about meeting her, as opposed with pretty much anyone else.

That's somewhat on the downside. If I can clearly make out that she likes me, I can assume that the people which I read not liking me... is an appropriate conclucion. "Micsonception" down the drain. I can indeed see which people don't appreciate my company. They are many - pretty much all of them. I don't know what I do wrong, but it's something major.

Last time she said we might be alright with meeting every eight week. That was like a blow to the head - seeing her is what marks out the pace in life. Two months between every meeting? She doesn't care more? She doesn't know I measure time by seeing her, no matter how pathetic that might sound? Asked if I might see her every second week, Thursdays a quarter past three, just like it used to be. She agreed. I can once again sum up my existence by seeing her, describing what my "life" is like. My shit is trotting ahead in time, month after month, year after year. I'm getting old, but I'm not getting anywhere.

August 21 - Joining Facebook

2007-08-29T05:17:00.000+02:00

Okay, I admit it. I didn't know about Facebook until I read about it in a cheap tabloid on the internet. Thought I'd better join the thing as they said it was so popular. Crap that I had to give out my real name, but who cares. I didn't spell it correctly. No one can track me down, I suppose. Joined a few Ghostbusters lists, even as I have bad experience from such. Imagine my surprise, again, when I searched for the keyword "Egon" and there was some obscure thread about a cute guy looking like Egon - with one of my drawings as main illustration!

How did that happen? Once more, where did they get it from? Probably not my site. It's circulating somewhere. It was supposed to be a silly illustration, that much I figured, and they used the only silly Egon I put on my site. Well, the one that goes with the RGB Egon descriptive page. Again, I was surrounded with the warm but scary feeling of still being a part of the universe.

My boyfriend said that's no surprise, since I do have a ghostbusters.se web address and is bound to get some hits. Still, I'm dumbfound. I didn't imagine. I'm still around, in some sense.

August 19th 2007 - Pins

2007-08-29T05:04:00.001+02:00

Was looking at eBay and there were some "Egon pins" for sale. Imagine my surprise when I checked that Egon pic, and it was mine! Someone thought it was good enough to put on a pin. Isn't that weird? It's like I exist again in the GB universe. Couldn't help but to write the guy and thank him, but now I'm too worried to open the mail he sent me. Oh well. Maybe he's not upset with me after all - how would I know.

Oh crap. Now I managed to open the mail by accident. That only happens when you're drunk, doesn't it. Some Christine that thanked me for letting her know. Where did she get the pic from? Not from my site, that's for sure. Good to have read the mail, after all. It was eating my mind.

August 19, 2007 -

2007-08-29T05:04:00.000+02:00

how do I remove this

May 5th, 2007 - He's a Doctor

2007-05-05T22:30:00.000+02:00

Wow, isn't he cute? I've checked the internet for some photos and this one's to die for. Just found out that he's a "Doctor" Daniel Jackson. Okay, I admit it - I did it again. The cute nerdy brains with glasses, and I fell for him. He's my desktop theme now, and he's gonna stay there for awhile. When it comes to this photo, I especially enjoy the blue jumpsuit and the logo patch on his arm. Man, sometimes they hit the honeypot when they invent characters.

Tonight "The haunting" will be on, a movie more or less about the Hill House. Any RGB fan ought to think of the Heck House episode, so I guess I'll watch that movie. Straight afterwards we've got the British "Long time gone" about an ouija board, so I and Viktor will have a TV night. He loves that. He's our little red guy from the cat shelter and he's simply in love with this his first true home. He'll be snuggling up right next to you in the sofa, being satisfied with life.

May 4th 2007 - Eye injury

2007-05-05T21:37:00.000+02:00

My boyfriend's eye ain't okay. He saw a doctor on some Greek island, who gave him an ointment. Today his eye hurt real bad, so he had to rush to a mainland specialist, who said that the first doctor had prescribed an ointment which wasn't supposed to be put in the eye! This resulted in permanent scarring and him not being able to put a lense in that eye again - ever. The other archealogists might help him report the useless doctor. It's sure no good way to begin your excavation training in Greece. It's so sad.

Finished reading a book about criminals sentenced to decapitation and where their more or less forgotten burial grounds are. It was also about crime in regular in the 18th century, and what I didn't know before was that being put in jail on "bread and water" was as if being sentenced to death. The bread didn't contain salt, which makes the body start aching more and more until the nerves and other tissue is destroyed and you die in delirium and pain. A man could live through this for no more than four weeks, and a woman was generally dead in just two weeks. I used to think "bread and water" was just boring nourishment. Victims sometimes chose to die rather than to be put on that diet.

Seem to be rotating some five books at the moment, depending on how dizzy I am. If my library slip lists more than twenty books, I'm embarrased. Less than a dozen, hey, I'm good. The most recent slip was 23 and the librarian had to fold it twice. The librarian's eyes always grow bigger and bigger as that machine doesn't seem to stop spitting out my slip. It feels like I snatched the best books, always the books they just bought and put on display, to make a big pile at home and curl up on them like a dragon on a stack of gold. My books! No touching! I saw them first!

May 3rd, 2007 - John's ghost stories

2007-05-04T16:35:00.000+02:00

Man, had a bad hangover this day as well! Fortunately, the sleeping-pills worked this time, so I had a good night's sleep. Why is it "good night's sleep" and not "night's good sleep"? Aspies tend to analyze these things. Couldn't clean and such like planned, however. Thought I wanted to neutralize those machines which were roaring just at the outskirts of my garden, digging up the road. Freaking noise! Ruining a perfectly good day to be outdoors some.

Pondered if I should mail a writer who was on TV the other day, John Ajvide Lindqvist. He wrote three books and they are so great! He's my second favorite - Margaret Atwood being my number one. Anyway, I saw John on TV a few months ago and thought I just had to get a hold of his books. He's labeled the "King of Fright", but as he said, it's not too hard to be a King if he's the only one in his genre in this country. His stuff is SO the very best "scary books" I ever read! Stephen King, go hide. Wouldn't let go of "Paper Walls". I thought scary supernatural books by definition were crap, which I'd overlook as I'm into the genre no matter what, but John's books are... magic.

I've read some 2.000 books, roughly counting, and I'm hard to please. This was like "wow, he did it! Completely new twists, great word treatment, supernatural beings you never heard of or could imagine!" The content of the last page is never possible to foresee, and when the book is finished you just don't want it to be. He was great during that half-hour show, but the interviewer wasn't. I got rather upset when that mofo continously revealed the ending of novels and novellas. They're gonna film and translate his first two novels! Isn't that great?

May 2nd 2007 - The STARGÅTE effect

2007-05-04T13:52:00.000+02:00

Some days I tell myself that I'm never going to drink again. This was such a day. After finishing blogging last time, I had a few more beer and was impatiently noticing that I didn't stagger much, didn't feel that drunk and, above all, wasn't entering "reality". This my "reality" goes back to before I joined art school and got a bad depression, fourteen years ago. Reality as in having feelings, not being wrapped up in layers of layers of see-through cotton. Reality as in how incidents and everyday life mattered, instead of being colorless and sometimes full of anxiety.

Almost five liters of beer later I figured that dawn had arrived and that I could just as well go to bed and read something. You do read books in a different way than when you're sober. Or, sober - I wouldn't put my normal state as being "sober".

Anyway, this Thursday was pretty much ruined by a bad hangover. Most unfair! I did my part, trying to enter "reality", and usually my hangover don't get as bad as this one. Not becoming very drunk, but having a case of weeping, and not entering "reality". Same result as the last dozen times. The ruddy roadworkers began working just outside my window at 7 AM, so I got just one hour of sleep. As I first stated, "I'm never going to drink again". My kidneys hurt. Are they supposed to, if you drink? Bah.

I've now learned to obey when the doctor says "No drinking, combined with your prescribed medication", as far at not drinking and combining any sleeping-pills. Thus, no sleep for the wicked. Real tired and with a hangover... I figured I'd better watch some TV.

There was Stargate SG1, the series - or, pardon me, STARGÅTE. The English have no clue how silly that sounds! Hehe. Haven't seen that series before. Anyway, a really cute guy popped up, being the brains. His name was Daniel and luckily the episode focused on him. My face ached afterwards from forming a stupid wide grin as soon as I saw him. They guys were sometimes using jumpsuits with a logo on their upper arm, and I was so charmed. There even was illuminant sweeping spirits, beams that looked like proton rays and the "mirrored" billowing smoke effect in the sky! Bliss.

May 1st, 2007 - Good day gone wrong

2007-05-02T01:00:00.000+02:00

Seems like there's some blogging hype. I quit when I got rather depressed again. When was it? Over a year ago. Not that I know if anyone read my blog - it was therapeutic more than anything else.

Today I was doing so good that I thought I'd update the site. Well, starting to blog anyway. Got two really nice signs, I figured. Was playing World of Warcraft, which is an online game, in case someone hasn't heard of it. There I was taking a flight and my character Egon landed on someone called Winston. The odds are astronomically small that there's someone called "Winston" on the server, combined with me landing on him. Saying "Winston! Egon's here!" ran through my mind, but I had second thoughts as I suspected he wouldn't understand.

Today someone mailed me and said he has an RGB comic that went in print and was withdrawn, the copies destroyed. Still, he had an issue and asked if I was interested. Did a raincheck with my brit RGB comics and figured he was right, there ought to be a missing issue. As only three people, the guy included, have mailed me on that e-mail address regarding the Ghostbusters, I was thrilled. Two signs! The kick was nice. I do love the boys in grey. Bad memories regarding the internet, yes, but they're still my boys.

Being in a good mood, I was brave enough to join a chat channel. I picked one for aspies and thought I wouldn't seem like an idiot as they'd understand. Bad move. Tried to help a Mom asking what to do about his aspie son, explaining why he had troubles in some situations at school. Tried to help, even as I was new and shouldn't have talked much. Soon enough, a guy whispered I was "annoying the hell outta everyone". Flashback. "Annoying". Acting as I was a part of the group. I wasn't accepted in an asperger chat. They wouldn't overlook that I wanted to help, wanted to blend in, wanted to chat.

I'm very much alone at the moment. My boyfriend's in Greece, doing archeaology, and he'll be there for roughly one more month. I know no one to talk to IRL, and have no one to chat with. I don't talk much with my family on the phone, just once a month or so, and I didn't see them for 14 months. My MSN list includes one person. One. It's the WoW game guild leader, and I never really chatted with him. That's so pathetic. At least he said I have a really cool hotmail address. That's true - a GB-fan's dream address. :) Not that I'd reveal it here.

I was doing so good, taking care of our three cats, even managing to clean. Haven't eaten any decent food since he left, but that was expected. Stupid, joining a chat. I cried for a long time, then I adapted. No more chatting!

This is the third RGB-tape I'm watching tonight, currently "The thing in mrs Faversham's attic" in Swedish. Seventeen-year-old recording and still kicking. I'd planned to make a page containing my GB collection, but the digital camera's in Greece and I can scan only so much. My collection's swelled to the magnitude of wanting cool things on eBay, just to realize I already have them. Sewed a coin zipper into my GB wallet, which I've been thinking to do for a long time. Tired of "are you sure you have no coins?" questions in the cashier. They fell out. My wallet's a custom Hongkong piece, okay? No more! :)

Feeling better now. Drank a few cans of beer - combined with chatting with myself regarding the GB's, it's okay. Everything's gonna be alright. Yeah.

March 18 - Wrong winner

2006-03-22T08:03:00.000+01:00

This Saturday we went to my boyfriend's parents to watch the Swedish Song Contest competition. I was rather upset when one of my favorite bands, Bodies Without Organs, didn't win but come second. Who won? Well, of course it was Carola. Always Carola. BWO would be much better to send off to Greece, as they are massively popular in Eastern Europe and farther east, as Russia and Japan.

My boyfriend and I had decided we should play my new British Real Ghostbusters tape in the car, but we forgot the tape. It is a very funny version where a British speaker tells the story and tries to match the guy's voices all by himself. It took awhile to get to the part where Egon speaks, and of course, as the Brits tend to, he had a nasal whiny old man's voice. My two other British tapes features separate voice actors, but Egon sounds quite as horrible. "That's how he's supposed to sound!" my boyfriend laughed. The episode being mangled was "Drool, the dog-faced goblin." I found it real cheap on eBay, by some odd search, but didn't show up among the regular "Ghostbusters" hits. Strange.

March 17 – More diecast cars

2006-03-22T08:02:00.000+01:00

One weird thing about Fridays is that there’s absolutely nothing to watch on TV. Isn’t Fridays supposed to be the TV-day above all others? Not that I care.

Won the 2003 rather rare Johnny Lightning 1:64 scale diecast ECTO-1 in mint condition on card, just six bucks buyout. I’m checking cheap auctions regarding the English/German version on DVD of the wonderful movie “Wallace and Gromit and the were-rabbit”, as Ben’s doing one of the voices, that of Wallace’s enemy. I can’t imagine what that’d sound like! It’s an improbable choice. I think I can get it for some six bucks, if I’m lucky. I mean, it’s got the original version as well, so who cares if it’s in German on the front page?

March 16 – No GB book

2006-03-22T08:01:00.000+01:00

Had ordered the Fisch Ghostbusters novel long ago, but now Amazon bookstore sent a mail about how they haven’t been able to find a copy. Crap! The other books I ordered weren’t necessary, but this one was. Now I have to order it off an expensive Swedish bookstore. At least they have the novel in stock. The novel seems to be hard to come by. I’ve checked eBay for a long time to find a copy, and to let the price drop, but instead they sold out every copy everywhere. When her new GB book’s coming out, I’m gonna buy it right away.

Read two wonderful novels today. One was Margaret Atwood’s latest, “The Penelopiad”. She’s my favorite author and a new novel is always nice. It’s a clever novel about Odyssev’s wife Penelope. Then I read Jonathan Safran Foer’s “Extremely loud and incredibly close”, which is a gem. Couldn’t put it down until it was finished. It’s about the young boy Oskar and his search to come closer to his Dad, who died in September 11. I’m sure Oskar’s an asperger. I kinda recognize myself in him.

Otherwise, I play World of Warcraft a bit. It’s fun to level with Alynda, as I’m pretty wealthy and can buy top notch clothes with good stats. I’m quite a loner and never join groups, and I rarely talk in guild chat, but the other day I got drunk and revealed I’m a Ghostbusters collector. The guild master was quite drunk too, and said that’s okay, as he collect old weapons and Spawn stuff. After that I’m extremely quiet and ashamed when it comes to chatting. I mustn’t ever mention my passion! It only leads to bad things.

March 15 – No shrink

2006-03-22T08:00:00.000+01:00

Still can’t get the hold of my shrink. First, her kid got sick and we cancelled. The following week I couldn’t get in touch with anyone, as the place seemed to be closed all day. Today she wasn’t in at all. As I have a severe problem when it comes to phoning, it’s quite an angsty procedure to get in touch. Maybe I’ll see her next week. I really need some drug prescriptions, and I don’t dare to ask the doctor as I’m rather scared of him. He thinks so little of me. The doctor prior to him was much nicer. Because I had to call, I didn’t get any sleep during the night, so I slept some at daytime.

I feel better nowadays, for some ten weeks, as we’ve had brightening snow and a sunny sky. No wonder this is called “Little London”, it’s often foggy - way too often. As I have SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, I need the light badly. Same thing with my cat Decibel – no sun, no happiness. She hates wintertime.

Published a reply on GB forums regarding the three new RGB DVDs, as they’d arrived in the mail. I should know better than to notify my existence, but I slipped. I have a few unread personal messages, but I’d rather jump off a roof than read them. People are rude and I refuse to let them darken my already darkened days. Then, I never return to a thread I already posted in. People can’t behave themselves, they love to stamp on you, especially “fellow” Ghostbusters fans.

March 14 – Rare RGB DVD

2006-03-22T07:58:00.000+01:00

Had to get up at 7:30 in order to get an injection, which I need as I’m going to China. It’s just two weeks left! I’m not anxious, but one concern is that I will probably have a sleeping disorder.

Won a rare Real Ghostbusters DVD on eBay. It originally came with a newspaper in order to promote the series being aired on Fox in England. It has a really nice picture of the guys and is said to contain "Mr. Sandman, dream me a dream". Just three pounds, a find. Then I won the Extreme Ghostbusters single for just 25 pence. That’s my kind of sale price!

Bought the somewhat rare AMT ECTO-1A in box. It was from a Swedish auction site and I outbid the poor collector of that particular kind of Cadillac. Had to sit up in the middle of the night to make sure he didn’t outbid me. It’s not the first time I outbid him…

Then I outbid a guy who really wanted to get the RUN DMC small vinyl single including the song “Ghostbusters”, which, for some reason, tends to be rare. That too was off the Swedish auction site. Had to sit up at 6:30 in the morning to win it, and it wasn’t the cheapest single I ever bought. Why do people put things up for auction at 6:30 in the morning? Do they expect a final bidding fight at that hour?

March 13 – Curt Swan book

2006-03-22T07:57:00.000+01:00

Had been waiting for a decent price on eBay, but finally I spotted a good deal, and today it arrived – my very own “A life in comics” hardback, a tribute to artist Curt Swan, who’s always been my favorite comics penciller. His work was the essence of Superman comics and he carried on for so long, from the sixties to the nineties! I was totally gone in my own little Superman world, checking the book from first page to the last, and then I had to check it all over again.

One funny thing was that Curt’s thought of as being a skilled facial expression penciller, and I smiled and thought of a particular panel in a particular comic, the one where all kryptonite’s turned into iron and he munches some to prove his point. On the next page in the book, that very panel was chosen to display Curt’s talent! Spooky.

What I didn’t fancy was that the silly mailman insists on putting bulky shipments on top of my letterbox, or underneath in the mud or snow. This is a big book and surely it was placed atop a number of letterboxes along the road. The biggest shipment I had to collect that way was the one containing my plush Stay Puft, including more stuff than the toy. Another was an LP, Ray Parker Jr’s first in Raydio, and it was lying in the mud. An evil neighbor could have stolen the stuff! The horror!

March 12 - Got a Ben Gash LP

2006-03-22T06:02:00.000+01:00

Haven't posted for a few weeks. I got worried about the high amount of hits, and the fact that someone might actually be reading the blog. Haven't posted for a few weeks, as I got worried about the high amount of hits, and the fact that someone might actually be reading the blog.

Won one of Ben Gash’s albums on eBay for some six bucks, “My resend life”. That’s very nice! One day, in a distant future, maybe I can complete my collection of his work. Finding his movies would be a triumph. Oh, who’s Ben – you know, the Egon guy, my special Egon voice. It’s so neat to hear him sing.

I also won a set of RGB glow-in-the-dark stickers from England real cheap. Then, of course I had to buy the Johnny Lightning limited edition ECTO-1 diecast car mint on card. It was just seven bucks. I’m a bit of an eBay addict again, but I try to stick to the cheap stuff, biding my time until I find a good deal. I wonder how much GB stuff I have… would be fun to make a list. Or, creepy.

February 1 - A trip in wain

2006-02-02T04:44:00.000+01:00

Had to get up early in order to go to my shrink. I hate when she's got just early appointments left. When I got there, after a fairly long drive, it turned out she'd have to attend to her kid and thus wasn't available. Went to the drugstore, the library, shopped for groceries and so on, which was a great strain on me, but I managed pretty well. Awarded myself with some chocolate. That's not so clever, minding that I'm being checked for diabetes. Well, got some immense thirst, verging on water poisoning! That'd be some death, eh? I wonder if it's painful.

Had been staring at the wall, being full of angst, when my boyfriend arrived back from the university. Read some and eventually made a pizza, which I only nibbled a slice of. I wish I was really thin. Abnormally, immensly thin. It's hard to cope with the weight that the medication added to me. I was always slim, you know.

Watched a nice TV show about dialects and then worked managed to get full aúthority of the 'puter in order to play World of Warcraft. Joined a guild, which is unusually brave for being me.

There are some rules. Never speak unless absolutely necessary. This applies to all situations in life. Before, I tried to speak up, but I quit. It hurts too much and isn't worth it. Read a book by an asperger today and it said the opposite: try to speak! That's not it. The key is to always shut up. Always. I don't care if it sounds stupid, it's the Rule. They won't get to you. They won't hurt you. The flashbacks won't be triggered as much. Stay away from people, always. This is what I lived by as a kid, and I return to it. There's no other way.

I'm so drunk. That's the moment when I connect to myself. It's 5.30 AM and I pretend to be playing some computer game. There's no life, you know. No nothing. Not that I'd cry "WOlf!" like before. There's no one there to listen. I'm going to China. I must survive at least until that.

January 31 - Snow

2006-02-02T04:28:00.000+01:00

Was supposed to go to adultgarten, but got too stressed and didn't sleep for the entire night, so I was too tired in the morning. Felt misérable about not going and had to eat anti-angst pills. They're running out. My new doctor isn't nice, like my previous ones, and he thinks I should get a job as I'm perfectly in order. Thus he won't prescribe more than 30 anti-angst pills at a time. It's very stressing. I'm thinking about it every day. Of course I wanna get a job, but it's gonna make me kill myself, literally.

There's a lot of voices. They tell you that you ain't no good. If you have voices in your head, don't mention 'em, or you'll be put on lots of foul medicine. They're gonna concentrate on that, and not your depression! What's some music and voices, compared to depression? Nothing.

Got the very cute Clark Kent plush doll, which is very nice. Also got the expensive calendars. They're nice, but will always remind me of a bad judgement and thus is more of a pain.

Was alone until night, as my boyfriend was attending archeaology class until late. Lotsa snow. Wouldn't wanna drive. Read some. Watched a TV documentary about a guy putting houses on fire in the next town. It was before I moved in, but anyway.

I think I won't make another bid on Ghostbusters stuff, as I don't have enough cash flow. The bad bid on "The greatest American hero" put a stop to it. They cheated me, I think. They embedded in a mass of text that they'd gonna charge 25 dollars on each DVD. I can't read that well. I'm too confused to comprehend. Fuck everything.

January 30 - Somewhat broke

2006-02-02T04:21:00.000+01:00

Watched "Supernanny" and "American Idol". The latter was, as usual, unbelievable. They seem so... immature. Learned that my bid on "The greatest American hero" was fucked up and I had to pay muntiple shipping fees, as I suspected. This means I can't buy anything for a month, except groceries. Severe headache. Seem to have a cold, still. Really boring.

January 29 - Happy Nian!

2006-02-02T04:09:00.000+01:00

Sunday, if you didn't know. I hate Sundays. They're like some fake holiday. I don't get the advantage of holidays as I'm on the sick list. There's nothing more I'd want than being useful. Contribute to the society. I'd want a job, but realize I'm much too ill to be of any help. Today's China's new "Nian", happy new year. This is the year of the dog. The Black Dog, Winston Churchill's way to put depression. He suffered from it, you know.

Five minutes past midnight I bid on the four original Kenner RGB's with weapons, along with the Sungold RGB line. It was Ray, Egon and three Winstons. I didn't have the Winstons, so I outbid. They looked really cute. I know fandom cares nothing for bootlegs, but I find them cute. The guy seemed to fancy a girl being into action figures, and he lives pretty close nearby, but I won't be chatty. He has to find his own niche. Not the RGB's, as I bought his figures. :)

Watched "Six feet under" in the evening. It's gone crap. Sloppy, kitsch. I can't see how it still gets Emmy nominations, 44 or something this far. Taped an Eintstein documentary in the evening.

Janurary 28 - Hits fucked up

2006-02-02T03:52:00.000+01:00

Okay, I looked at the hits of my site at of web hotel Surftown counter and it seems like I get more hits than I thought. Well, like 13.000 hits on individual pages a day. A day! This could mean some are looking at this blog. That's scary. How can two separate counters show that different amount of hits?

Not that I'm gonna look if I got some replies when it comes to the blog. No way. I plunge much too often, and it could mean I abandon the site. Abandon the Ghostbusters. That mustn't happen. Some "fans" made clear I have no business in fandom. I can't cope with facing that again. They forgot about me, I hate them. It's somewhat futile to hate people who's forgotten all about you.

Saturdays are boring. I have no one to visit, no parties, no nothing. Watched "Smallville" on some obscure channel and hated it. How can they mess up the Superman, or Superboy, concept like that? Did nothing much.

January 27 - Mom fancies Egonia!

2006-01-27T15:10:00.000+01:00

Thinking about ordering the three "The greatest American hero" DVDs, but it's got this stupid Buy Now function on eBay and I'll have to pay multiple shipping fees. Then I want the two Gargoyles DVD's, and a pretty pretty Superman Unmasked figure. Oh, and a Disney's Gargoyle Demona figure, as my second hand one doesn't have wings and tail. She's in my novel you know, being called Lilith, as she's a crossover between Demona and Adam's first woman. Then I altered her looks a bit, she's pale purple now, but she's still a bitch. I love her.

My Mom got the Egonia novel on CD-rom and she read it immediately. She was using strong words even, which she never does, to express that she liked it! She thought my lingo was very good and strangely enough that means more to me than the storyline itself. Now maybe I can continue it. It's been resting for three weeks.

January 26 - Superman urge

2006-01-27T14:38:00.000+01:00

Rather depressed again. Was supposed to attend adultgarten for two hours, but it seemed impossible, so I decided just to go to my shrink. Wearing black, being a tee, long goth skirt and the long coat. Still could show off my GB purse, though. We talked about my dilemma of having promised to attend adultgarten, but having to choose between going and phoning. It's ecually horrible. Then I mentioned I had dreamed about a snake which I had to kick, but woke up when Azrael got kicked into the wall three feet away! Poor cat.

Got the Supergirl bra I ordered. It's Superman blue with the logo. I hate bras - being an aspie (asperger) I can't stand tight clothes, but if it's a Supergirl bra maybe I can put up with it. Thrilled to see the nice "Superman - classic comics" book for just four dollars. Hoping I'll win it! Have an urge to get Superman stuff again. I've been a collector since age seven, as I said. It started with the TV series "The greatest American hero" from 1981, a Superman spoof series, and quickly I learned that I love Superman. Aspie trait at age seven. Actually I prefer Clark. He's so sweet and... aspie. I ordered a plush Clark Kent, and I'm hoping to get it any day now. It's so cute! A guy in nerd glasses and a blue suit. Not the ordinary plush toy...

Saw the Antiques Roadshow, and I believe I might have not missed an ep since it started at least 15 years ago! I was so thrilled that I clung to a chocolate bar for an entire hour, forgetting to eat it. Afterwards I watched a BBC science program about global dimming. It was devastating. I thought that the world wouldn't be uninhabitable until after I die, but maybe it'll happen before. In a hundred years it might be a ten degree celsius heat increase and that means the world's a wasteland.

January 25 - Sungold RGB figures

2006-01-27T14:27:00.000+01:00

My boyfriend went to my parent's home town to see a friend. They'll watch hockey together. I'll never do that again! It was tremendously boring and a puck missed me with an inch. My oldest girl kitty Decibel got very worried and begged us to stay, but when she realized I was staying, she couldn't stop cuddling. Once she didn't eat for three days when we were gone, even as we got them a babysitter once a day for food.

Before my boyfriend went he tried to install the new printer, but didn't succeed. It says it ain't compatible with Windows - an HP printer! Useless.

Played a some Word of Warcraft and then watched a nice backpack program about China. Read some. Checked auctions and was thrilled to see that a bunch of RGB figures were on sale for just 2.50 dollars, and included were a heap of RGB Sungold line figures! I love those, Egon with his redrimmed sunglasses. Cute. There were five Sungold Winstons and a Ray as well as an Egon. I didn't have a Winston before. Now I'll need a Peter.

January 24 - Bad day

2006-01-26T23:26:00.000+01:00

My boyfriend went to the university where he studies and I was supposed to go to adultgarten for a painting session. Figured out I was too depressed. Pondered if I could get out of bed at all. Pondered how I was supposed to make the call and say I wasn't gonna show, but unplugged the phone instead. I always try to the things I should, high moral they call it, but I was too angsty to make a call. Drank a load of beer, eventually, and tried to play World of Warcraft. My new char is Alynda, like the main char of my novel Egonia. Got too worried when some guy wanted to make a party and thus turned off the 'puter.

Bad day. Hard to take a shower. Hard to read. Couldn't put the Good Sign GB silver ring on. Dressed in black. Well, I usually do. When my boyfriend came home he said had bought the excellent Laleh album, but I couldn't listen to it. We watched Michael Palin in Himalaya, a good BBC production.

January 23 - RGB duvet covers

2006-01-26T23:10:00.000+01:00

Got some stuff which I ordered off eBay, like the very cheap GB plaquette with a few film frames and a logo. Looks nice. No room for more GB stuff on walls, though. Then I got the first NOW Slimer issue really cheap. Maybe I can burn it in some ritual.

Had been monitoring two duvet covers with RGB print, that nice one where the guys chase Slimer with Ecto. I was rubbing my hands with pleasure when it seemed as if I was gonna win it for just two pounds, but then some guy started bidding when there was thirty seconds left and I won it for seven pounds. If I wanna win, I win. As the shipping cost more than seven pounds, I think it was very cheap and I'm greatly satisfied with my find. Those covers are rare, and I got two. Whee!

Whatched "Supernanny" in the evening. Never ever am I gonna get kids! Ewww! They are like little devils. Afterwards we were pleased to find out that they air American Idol with just a few days delay! It was so unbelievable, especially the guy singing Star Spangled Banner dressed as Lady Libby. He got thrown out. I'll have to say that the Swedish version of Idol is much meaner. Like, the judge who said he wished the competing girl had been on the sinking ferry ten years ago, when a thousand people died. That's not even mean, that's mental.

January 22 - eBay trouble

2006-01-22T23:13:00.000+01:00

Tired in the morning. Very cold! My sore throat, runny nose and headache hasn't improved for two weeks now.

Zoomed around on auction sites, searching mainly for the Ghostbusters, of course. I'm thinking about something that'll end tomorrow, from Great Britain. Well, and some more stuff, of course. Strange that I never saw the GB purse and GB jacket again? They were new products and ought to come in more than one item? Then I didn't see my GB gold pendant again.

Searched for merchandise concerning Superman Returns, and found some. Brandon Routh looks great! I'm not easy to please when it comes to my holy Superman, but he looks okay, judging from all the new photos. Saw that German eBay had four such pocket calenders for sale and I got too excited as time was running out, so I kind of overlooked that I couldn't use paypal... scary e-mail exchange in my very best nervous German followed, and we agreed I can mail some coins. Phew! I get too worked up over little things.

As I was in the middle of this problem, I was too worried to bid on a wonderful Ghostbusters logo wall lamp that was pretty cheap. Maybe it'll come back. My boyfriend was pleased I didn't buy it. I wonder why...?

January 21 - Wallace and Gromit

2006-01-22T23:06:00.000+01:00

Boy, I hate driving, especially when it's slippery. Everything went well and we arrived to the movie theatre. "Wallace and Gromit" was very good! We were the youngest couple in the audience, that doesn't happen too often. I carried my pretty Ghostbusters logo purse, which is rather large, but no one seemed to see it. Very frustrating.

Carried on to my boyfriend's parents, where we ate an 18'th century meal. Renewed my promise I'd send his Mom my half-finished novel. As she's keen on Harry Potter, she'd ought to like it... at least a bit. I hope.

January 20 - Aykroyd's got aspergers!

2006-01-22T22:56:00.000+01:00

Checked an asperger forum and they listed some fictional characters and actors that have asperger. I was SOOO thrilled to learn that Dan Aykroyd has mentioned that he has it, several times, in interviews! It was more of a problem before than it is now, he says. Why didn't I know that? Why? My Danny boy has exactly the same syndrome as I do! This is the Sign! It's a sign alright. Danny's special interests are the police, UFOs and the supernatural. Well, and he's awfully stubborn about the Ghostbusters, just like me!

Spent most of the day reading. I've started reading Joe Simpson's books, the guy with "Touching the void" who fell off a mountain and broke his leg, having to struggle back on his own for days. He's a good writer. I also read a book about how it can be if you're a tourist in China. As late as ten years ago they didn't heat up the hotels! Eeep! Watched "The Kingdom" in the evening.

It's a blizzard with lots of snow. Wonder if we can go to town tomorrow. We've got tickets for "Wallace and Gromit", the movie. I can't wait for summer, when "Superman Returns" is released! I'll surely watch the premiere.

They're releasing the Real Ghostbusters DVDs and I must have them. This won't be a problem, I think. I shudder to think of how much money I spent on the Ghostbusters...

January 19 - Shrink likes Egonia

2006-01-22T22:46:00.000+01:00

My shrink was pretty thrilled when it came to my novel! She read it last Thursday evening and said she sat on the edge of her chair, going "no!" when it abruptly stopped. She spoke of the plot as being exciting, but didn't comment on the lingo. It was encouraging! I felt a tingle of wanting to continue to write.

Before I saw her I went to adultgarten, where nothing much happened. Some people were actually glad to see me. It's been a few months.

Why is it the stuff I watch on eBay sold for such a lot of money? Like, the GB Harold Ramis signed photo turned out to be very expensive, at the same level as a GB poster signed by seven! Crap. I'd want one of them mugs, but they too are expensive. If it isn't expensive, it's too bulky and thus will cost a fortune to ship. What I like the most must be my GB logo gold pendant, I think. Still haven't taken it off once.

January 18 - Holy blood

2006-01-22T22:38:00.000+01:00

Was pretty pooped after having been to "town" the day before, but anxiously read the book "Holy blood, holy grail" from 1982. Finally, after some ten years of searching, I laid my hands on it! That's a very good book indeed. The "da Vinci code" novel is based on it. The latter one is crap crap crap! Too bad Plantard was revealed being a conman not too long ago.

Can't write more when it comes to the novel. It's like... empty. Can't come up with where to take the plot. Maybe I ought to start writing something else. RGB is what I love writing, but you know... as it's largely thought nothing of, I get too depressed to even start.

January 17 - Back to adultgarten

2006-01-22T22:31:00.000+01:00

Okay, so I'm back. It was painting hour at the adultgarten and they phoned me to say they hoped I'd come. Well, alright. There were few people there and I made two cubistic paintings which only I thought were okay. They confuse craftmanship with art, as if something looking more realistic is better.

Thought I'd make a ghostbusters.se logo for the back window of my car, but I didn't get the time. I'd cut out the letters so I can see through the advert. Maybe I'll get some hits that way. Not that I care, really. It's not like I update the site. Seems pretty useless.

Maybe I'll scan the Egonia characters drawings I made, and form a new section. They could be a teaser in some way, if the book gets published. Not that I'd publish the text. Hm, it's in Swedish anyway. Not much of an audience.

January 12 - Shrink gets novel print

2006-01-22T22:26:00.000+01:00

Saw my shrink and gave her the first five chapters of my novel Egonia. I explained the Real Ghostbusters connection when it comes to Petor and Egane. Wonder what she'll think of it. What will she say if she doesn't appreciate it?

Have some cold going on, and a bad headache for a few days now. Double vision as well. Sure signs of stress.

Got my Real Ghostbusters towels. I've always wanted such! They were pretty expensive, but I love them. Another piece of art.

January 9 - My new novel

2006-01-10T14:15:00.000+01:00

The novel Egonia I'm writing is coming along pretty fine now. Wrote some 53.000 words so far, that's way more than half a book. Maybe I'll complete it, if I can find a way to extend the plot. They're travelling too much, it bores me. Could read some today and finished a book about China.

I wonder where my GBII neon stickers are, which I bought on auction?

January 3 - Can't write again

2006-01-03T15:54:00.000+01:00

Boy, what a cold day. Had weird nightmares and got up pretty late. Wanted to write and turned on the old computer, but couldn't write, as I had suspected. I long for their company, but I have this block. Got upset because my number one Hated Writer has published another book which were news that made it to the front page of today's local paper. How can he publish, when I can't? I would creep under a rock and die with shame if I'd written his stuff! I sure wouldn't want to publish anything by that publisher, they must be crazy. I'd wanna publish with a big publishing company! That'd be something.

January 2 - Getting GBI and II box

2006-01-03T15:46:00.000+01:00

Time to go home, as there'd been burglary in our neighborhood and we didn't wanna stay away for too long. Stopped by at the outlet sale and bought tons of shampoo. Got lost and ended up outside a record store, so I swiftly went in there to look for Bodies Without Organs. They had a copy on sale and I also got the Exclusive GBI and II collector's DVD box on sale. Then they had audio cassettes, so I bought fifteen as they're hard to come by these days.

It was hard to drive in the bad weather, but it went well. The cats got happy when we arrived and we were happy to learn that there'd been no burglary. I'm thinking I'll make a GB bumper sticker to go in the back window of the car, which simply says ghostbusters.se, my www address. I could use a hit or two.

Talked to my sister's fiancee about fantasy. It didn't go so well as I said Robin Hobb and such are crap, and couldn't come up with any good fantasy except Harry Potter, but he loves fantasy so he said he'll try out the novel I'm writing. I said I'll publish it on my site, but I won't as I wanna publish it some day, so he'll better get himself an email address.

Watched "The monastery", the BBC documentary, in the evening after having a few hours of bad angst during which I had to stay in bed. It crept up on me. I hate it.

January 1 - No GB bumper sticker

2006-01-03T15:40:00.000+01:00

Happy happy New Year. Could barely get up in the morning, even as I got to bed at about 2AM. My boyfriend tried to bet for a GB bumper sticker on eBay, which was from 1984 and said "This car is protected by Ghostbusters", but I didn't win as he got stressed and goofed up.

We were celebrating my sister's birthday, and mine, in the afternoon. I got a turtle necklace, which I probably won't wear much as it clashes with my pretty GB pendant necklace. The guests didn't stay for long, just over two hours, and afterwards I was so pooped that I fell asleep.

This is pretty much the way it goes when I'm away somewhere. I sleep. I was abandoned by my boyfriend for the better part of the day, and when I was supposed to go to sleep at night I just sat bolt upright and had terrible angst for two hours. Barely could close my eyes, and if I did, I couldn't open them. Everything was getting to me. When he came back at midnight, things got better and I could finally get some rest.

December 31 - New Year's Eve

2006-01-03T15:35:00.000+01:00

Went to my parent's house, a 200 kilometer drive. Got rather tired by driving that much. Went to parent's friends to celebrate New Year's Eve in the evening, which is a tradition. We played a game of TP, which our team miserably lost. Practised taking photos with my digital camera and made snippets of film.

The most eventful was that a box of crackers went havoc and started firing in all directions, so we had to run for cover. Whispered "Egon" under my breath as my tradition goes, just after the last strike of the bell, as I want it to be the first I utter of that brisk new year. This tradition is getting old and I told no one.

December 30 - Snowstorm

2006-01-03T15:34:00.000+01:00

Were supposed to go to my hometown, but there was a snowstorm and we decided to postpone it. Nothing much happened.

December 29 - GB jacket

2005-12-29T18:48:00.000+01:00

Got the black GB logo jacket I ordered off eBay in Great Britain. It was cheap but good quality, warm and nice. The logo on the back is big and seems solid. I'm wearing it now, together with my gold pendant of course. I still have no GB shoes. I don't think I want any. My boots will have to do. Maybe Slimer shoelace clip-on? That would look... gross.

Was supposed to go clean the kitty farm, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow. There's a snow storm and maybe we can't take off to my parents tomorrow. We might have to wait one more day. They will throw a small birthday party for me.

Ordered five books off Amazon.uk and was happy to find the Fisch novel, which is pretty much sold out everywhere. Then I ordered three more GB books and the "One hit wonderland" by Tony Hawks. I read his book about travelling around Ireland with a fridge and loved it, so I thought I must have the one where he makes a bet (again) that he'll write a top list song. Probably he made it, I don't know.

It's nice with all this snow. The day gets brighter.

December 28 - GB Gold pendant

2005-12-29T18:43:00.000+01:00

Today I got my pretty pretty GB gold pendant! It looks so good and I'm very happy to have it. Still baffled no other guy or gal wanted it! I'm gonna wear it forever! Couldn't find a gold chain, so I use a blackened silver chain. It looks okay. Will buy a gold chain when I find such a store.

Was rather tired today. Read a book about Minoan life. Watched an interesting TV-series about five blokes in England who tries out monastery life for four weeks.

Looked at the Internet and I got upset when I saw the RGB fanfic for sale. Why didn't I ever make it into such? I mean, just my art did. The stories I was supposed to illustrate gave me the creeps since I didn't understand them. The texts were so dull and boring and there was no "inner movie". Seldom that happens; no movie.

December 27 - Birthday

2005-12-29T18:39:00.000+01:00

Today was my 30th birthday and I got a brand new printer from my boyfriend. That is very good, especially since the old one seems to have lost its mind. Made a nice chocolate cake for my guests, which were my boyfriend's parents. That's about how many friends I have, but I guess I don't want any friends after all. Didn't get any GB stuff! Got some money and a flower from them. We played some boardgame and I got very tired in the end.

Wonder when my GB jacket and gold pendant are gonna show?

December 26 - Sleep

2005-12-29T18:37:00.000+01:00

Was very tired and slept all day. So much for this blog entry.

December 25 - this ain't X-mas

2005-12-25T21:51:00.000+01:00

Well, today ain't X-mas. Today's when everybody's having a hangover. I too drank yesterday, but I didn't have to drive until today, as we spent the night sleeping at his parent's place. I mustn't drink as I'm on so much medication, but as my shrink put it once, "you gotta live". Speaking of medication, I'm off lithium and poooof went 15 pounds, just like that! Now I'm almost slim again. This is very relieving.

Dared to sneak into forums of the GB site and still there were really irritating posts about new GB songs. I mean, Marbrax? What year was that a new one? I got Bold and published a list of most of my songs. It got rather lengthy, so I think they'll remove it. Boo cares.

Thought about writing my Egonia again, the novel. It's hard, you know. If I just get the flow! I have this barrier the RGB fanfic list put there. I twist and turn to get just one more chapter roughly shaped, but my mind's blank. Now I came up with the idea to put them in a town and just see what'll happen. Something must happen, right? I might poke one of Egon's/Egane's eyes out, if nothing else.

December 24 - Second X-mas

2005-12-25T21:36:00.000+01:00

Okay, main X-mas day. We have the Very Important Shows to watch: Donald Duck celebrates Christmas at 3PM. Every X-mas! Every Swede, join in! This Is What We Do!

Second very important show is "Gnomes" by that Dutch guy Rien. The TV-show is as much X-mas as Santa himself. It got off air everywhere in the world in 1987 I think, because of copyright problems. The process got stuck, but I got it off the Internet and can thus watch the very important "Gnomes". Phew! Every Swede demands "Gnomes" on X-mas and few gets it.

The third very important show is the RGB "X-mas marks the spot", of course! As I can play it on DVD now, it was easy to pluck out and play. Not like my frantic search among piles and heaps of RGB tapes, exclaiming "it's GONE!" and finding the tape in the old video recorder some horrid moments later.

I was very disappointed that my new large logo GB jacket didn't show in the mail, nor did my precious GB logo 3D gold pendant. I wanted to be pretty this X-mas, but I hope I'll get the gold pendant on my birthday, the 27th. I give myself the prettiest presents, don't I?

In the car I played "X-mas marks the spot", the different audiotape version. It's very good! Peter's so sad and sweet. We didn't leave until 5PM to go to my boyfriend's parents. We played some boardgames, didn't eat until 11PM and didn't get to open any presents until the next day, after midnight! How totally strange. This is because his Mom was working. Not Peter's Mom, of course.

NOTHING 'busters! Okay, I got some stuff with skulls on them and a book about Hell, but 'busters? I'm shocked! Is it because I kinda have everything already? I was sure I was gonna get the new GB novel! Got a weird flashing thing that projected colors in the ceiling. Then I got one of the best books I know by Sykes, about DNA, which I read many times. But no 'busters stuff...?

December 23 - First X-mas

2005-12-25T21:26:00.000+01:00

Today we went to my boyfriend's sister to celebrate X-mas. Well, X-mas (as any RGB fan would put the abbreviation) is messed up nowadays. Any normal X-mas celebration is on December 24 around here. We do it two days in a row. First this place, then away to another place next day. More about that tomorrow.

Gave away some, got some. Well, a fridge magnet and bedsheets I got. That was nice. Nothing 'busters about it, though.

Had the Ben CD blaring in the speakers of the car as we went. No snow, no X-mas songs! Made use of my new digital camera. It's rather good. Thought I'd take photos of everything new that's GB around the house, but as my site's so uninteresting, no one would care if I upload. Besides, I overused eBay and such sites, so I'm absolutely packed with GB stuff. I have a big bag full of most of my action figures in the kitchen, there's stuff in every cupboard and wardrobe, in every room, in every corner! In every car, even. At least the one I've got. Tomorrow maybe I'll get the GB novel I was planning to buy. If I don't, I get it off Amazon proton. I mean "pronto". I taught my keyboard fingers too well.

December 22 - The X-mas gift

2005-12-25T21:10:00.000+01:00

Noticed that Someone who accurately said my site was www.ghostbusters.se and referred to the GB songs of PKE Online long ago. This I found very strange, as my site gets no hits, and no one knows or cares that I advertised it as being www.ghostbusters.se for almost a year. Reading on the GB forum this Someone said that the songs I collected was like Christmas. It made me remember that I, long ago, said I'd give them away to someone. Today I did give them away, as an X-mas gift. Well, and the nice RUN DMC Ghostbusters II video as a clip.

I find it very strange that I'm ignored, more or less, when I point out how many songs I got. I mean, they go "I've got five!" or such, and I wonder why on earth a hundred Ghostbusters song doesn't make one single soul just drool? Is music that boring? Don't they want them? Why don't they even wanna listen to them once? No one asked me for ONE clip!

Gosh, now I got upset. It's Ray who makes me say "gosh". Hope the X-mas present gets there safe and sound. It might brighten up Someone's Christmas.

December 21 - Ben CD!

2005-12-25T21:02:00.000+01:00

This is so great! I found and received the Ben CD on eBay, the first he made with his band Bend, and it's EXCELLENT! I love it to death! It's like you wanna jump around and scream. It's wonderful to have Egon singing for a good hour. He's got the best singing voice! Not Maurice. Now I really see why they didn't make Ben do the "singing in the bathtub scene" and instead kept Maurice. Ben can't be a bad singer even if he tries! Giggle!

It's an experimental album, with all kinds of styles I like. We've got screaming-on-top-of-voice-death-metal, popish, funkish, grungeish, punkish, rockish, everything! Then there's a girl singing and she's got a dusk smokey voice that's great, too! Even my boyfriend said the CD's very good.

Guess if I wanna get the rest of the LPs and CDs Ben's made off his site? But no, he doesn't take VISA! He want some kind of money order. I'm very bothered by this. Maybe we can ask my boyfriend's uncle's cousin to help. My wishes are getting more and more strange...

December 20 - Egonia

2005-12-25T20:47:00.000+01:00

Trying to start writing a novel again, which I began four years ago. It was just some 15 pages at the time, but I've been writing patiently and have reached 50 pages the last coupla days. As I want to publish something and the crappiest novels are fantasy novels, it's easier to succeed if I write such, right? I do have some earlier experience by writing an awful lot of RGB stories and surely I pick out the bits and parts I like most...

The thing is, of course I wanna write about the 'busters! What do we do, but take a pair of 'busters and make them main characters? Clever, eh? Sort of. Egon's in it and we've got Peter the werewolf. I love werewolves. I wrote such a novel before and can do it again. Don't know if lycanthropes are okay in fantasy novels, so I made Egon an elf. Hah! I kill myself. This is very amusing. It's called "The journey to Egonia".

My boyfriend says it's sure to be published, or he'll start up his own publishing firm. He can't take that Egon's called Egane and Peter's called Petor, but he thinks I can get around the character theft as they don't quite look nor behave the same. Then I made Petor come from Lupusvill and my boyfriend said "Hey, now everybody's gonna know it's RGB!" and I went "You've been RGB poisoned real good. You think someone's gonna remember some odd eighties animated series show and a town, Lupusville, in that one episode?" and he declared I was right.

The hard bit is that the RGB fanfic list did a very very good job to make me gun shy about writing stories. I pace much more than I write. Sneakily I borrowed Egon and Peter, so I HOPE it will lead to being able to write at least one itty bitty RGB story again. That's the best thing life's got to offer, isn't it?

December 19 - Golden GB charm

2005-12-25T20:37:00.000+01:00

Got the genuine autographed photo of Ben Völz, my special little Egon. It's on my bedstand now. The eBay bastard charged 6 euro for the stamps, when it should be barely 1 euro, but I didn't make a fuss about it. There's one one out for bidding, but I can't have two! Must... fight... bidding. The other one is the stern version with a black autograph, while I got the smiling Ben with a silver autograph. Someone bid for that other one. I'll let him have it. Nice someone wants it.

Was a brave girl and asked about that charm pendant made of gold, if maybe the auctioneer could make an exception and let me bid? He said he was gun shy about people outta the States as he got tricked once, but made the exception, and I won! I paid immediately and I hope I'll get the charm before X-mas. Miracles have happened, right?

December 6 - wanna write!

2005-12-06T19:28:00.000+01:00

Alone today. Thought about writing, but sure enough it was impossible. Drawing - I totally quit. They don't like my RGB, so I don't do any. Every day I wish I could write and draw RGB, but how? All the flashbacks! No way. They sure knew how to throw me down a dark empty pit.

Read about Dave Peltzer's brother Richard. He too grew up in hell, like his sibling. Can read some, as long as it's not too much politics. Quit playing World of Warcraft. My latest avatar, Venkman, is put to rest - just like Égon. Don't think I'll be doing it again.

Man, how I wish I could write RGB! It was the best thing, except for watching an episode I never saw, and as I've seen all of them it's down to writing. Lonely here, just me and a few beers. Playing a Nena CD, having ordered a Ben autograph and his first CD from eBay. Lucky me - I found it, finally! Noting GB to bid for, except some golden charm that wouldn't be shipped to Europe. It's always that problem. There are more nice watches and maybe I'll buy one that you can dive while wearing. My current GB watch is nice enough, so maybe I won't bid.

As I said, it's quite lonely. Tomorrow I'll be getting my digital camera and I'll try take nice RGB experimental photos. That's tomorrow. Today's beer evening.