Plane crash and personal financial crash

I always watch the Canadian series "Mayday", which airs after midnight in the weekend. Yesterday I read about the French plane that supposedly crashed in the sea near Senegal. The odd thing is that "Mayday" covers a wide variety of reasons for a specific plane to crash, and it seems like it was the same reason yesterdays plane crashed as the one in the seventies featured in latest "Mayday". Going into the storm cell, maybe the instruments recieving echoes from the storm clouds being misinterpreted or deceptive. Maybe the Paris plane was struck by lightning in the storm.

Hope they can find the flight data recorder, the "black box". From what I learned, it sends out beeps for thirty days unless damaged. Hard to find the black box if its deep down in the sea, though. There seems to have been three Swedes onboard. Hope there are survivors, but maybe a hope in vain. My thoughts go out to the passengers and relatives.

Yesterday I learned that my boyfriend isnt gonna get any money whatsoever in the future. Didnt get any since he fell ill this Fall and in this country youre supposed to get a bit of money if you cant work, but the current politics mess things up. People are allowed to get social welfare, but Im supposed to support him on my "pre-retirement" money, being the lowest amount possible. We, or I, must have no buffert in the bank for six months, or therell be no social welfare. We have to pay 200 000 SEK this year because the municipal forces us to install new water and sewer, in spite ours working just fine. I dont have that kind of money in the bank.

Must sell my car, an old one - do I have to mention no one wants to buy cars? Same problems here as with General Motors. Eventually having to give away our cats, sell the house and move to a cheaper place. That means far away from here, because there are no cheap houses around here. Maybe move north to where I grew up, places there are much cheaper. Surely, no jobs there.

To top it all, I have to go to the doctor on Monday to find out if I will get any money from July and on. Im cursed when it comes to doctors, and money, and I cant read up rules because of my severe depression. Neither can my boyfriend, hes too messed up, just like me. We are allowed to get a loan, because the municipal is forcing us to fork out for the new plumming, but the mortgage percentage is off the scale. No way we can manage. Besides, the house market is plummeting and we wont get much if we manage to sell our house.

Worst thing? Emotionally, our cats. They are my world. I cant imagine to give them up. They are our "children". Even if Im too ill to leave bed, take a shower, or eat, they are the number one priority. Always tend for them, give them food. Dreamed that Morticia was getting smaller and smaller until she disappeared. It was such a nightmare. Slept from 5 PM to 10.30 AM this morning. Typical when Im extra stressed, or not being able to sleep for two or three days. Im running out of sleeping pills - had to take some every night this year. Thoughts tormenting me, cant fall asleep. If I manage to suddenly fall asleep without being drugged, like yesterday, I have bad bad nightmares. Always dead tired no matter what. Have thoughts of suicide for a year, not as bad as it has been, when I thought of it every two minutes.Im so depressed. Already eating the highest dose of anti-depression medication, Efexor and Lamictal combined, so no way of upping the dose.

Wish I had the soothing effect of the Ghostbusters, but I panic when it comes to anything produces pre-internet, meaning 1995 something, when I started my site. The new game will be out next month, but as my boyfriend said today, he will probably have to play it instead of me, because of my panic. Way to go. Panic stricken fan.