August 23rd - Shrink

Seeing my shrink again. There's been many weeks since I saw her last time. She was away because of some family trauma, or something. I don't quite know. Aking your shrink about her life does put a sordine (is that an English word?) on your forty-five minutes, so I figured I'd better ask once I left. "Life is a rocky road", she said. I understood what she implied.

Came to think of the way she looks upon me. There's no question she likes me. I might be an aspie, but I've been reading up about body language since I was a kid. She does like me, and she hinted that I'm one of her... err... favourite clients. We really do get along. That's weird - I don't get all worked up about meeting her, as opposed with pretty much anyone else.

That's somewhat on the downside. If I can clearly make out that she likes me, I can assume that the people which I read not liking me... is an appropriate conclucion. "Micsonception" down the drain. I can indeed see which people don't appreciate my company. They are many - pretty much all of them. I don't know what I do wrong, but it's something major.

Last time she said we might be alright with meeting every eight week. That was like a blow to the head - seeing her is what marks out the pace in life. Two months between every meeting? She doesn't care more? She doesn't know I measure time by seeing her, no matter how pathetic that might sound? Asked if I might see her every second week, Thursdays a quarter past three, just like it used to be. She agreed. I can once again sum up my existence by seeing her, describing what my "life" is like. My shit is trotting ahead in time, month after month, year after year. I'm getting old, but I'm not getting anywhere.