August 27ht -Temple Grandin

Gotta read up on the Raëlians. There's always something to investigate, but yet nothing. They claim to be ahead of everyone else when it comes to human clones. Well, whatever.

Sitting here by the comp, doing shit. My boyfriend's got the first job of his life, being 32. Paperboy in the weekends. Still, this is enough to get me closer to Life. Managed to clean a bit for the first time in years, just because of him finally trying to get a job. Usually I just huddle up in some corner and literally whine. Now I'm sane enough to see this ain't gonna work.

It's always been me bringing in the dough. Since five years I'm recieving the smallest amout possible from being on the long-term sick list. This is what we have, apart from what he gets from his student loan. That's no salary - it's a loan, and he's gotta pay it back. Still he says he doesn't have to work until this-and-that date. Now he got a job as a paperboy on weekends. That's all he's gonna get. It's nothing. It's what I paid the vet recently when my cat got a wound.

I'm so worried! I can't live on like this. Worried in limbo. I'm too sick to work it out. Gotta get a job. I'm still shell-shocked about people putting dead flies in my coffee mug, telling boss about how useless I am. People wanna get to me, and they wanna get to me bad. That's no imagination.

"A feeling for cows" is on today. Temple Grandin is an aspie, as well as I. She makes cows take an interest in her. I make cats become my friends. She made cows more comfortable walking towards their death without too much objections. I make cats follow me, just by communicating that I understand cat language. My cats are my treasure.

Yeah, I'm drunk. First time in many months. I've done good. Limbo, and no booze until now.