May31 - Ben site

Overslept! Very bad indeed as I was having my weaving course. Missed it. There was havoc square at adult kindergarten - so much people and so much noise. I got stressed and just wanted to go home. Tried to read the newspaper, but couldn't. There was just half as much food as there should be, so I didn't get any. Doesn't improve mood, such incidents. Towards the end of the day things calmed.

They said we must phone every morning to say we're showing! That new guy said it's a rule from now on. I thought I should quit going to the place, since I have a phoning phobia. A severe one. But, no one must be excused from the Rule. Twenty people must get up at eight in the morning and make that call. Man. You don't do that anywhere else, do you? It's as if it were communism.

Dined at a Thai restaurant before I went home, since I was so hungry and hadn't eaten anything for that whole day. Got the Real Ghostbusters portable radio I had ordered in the beginning of March. It was cute, but it was pink. I hate pink! Thought it was red. Oh well, I like it even so. Paid bills, including the one for "my" cat at the homeless cats' place on the next street. Her name's Sweetie and she's got no tail.

My boyfriend had been so nice and checked Ben's site for boobietraps, but there weren't any. He seems a bit weird, though. Weird guys may have nice voices, but it doesn't make them less weird. You can order his CDs and LPs from that site, but what if he handles the orders himself? Eeep! I want those CDs, I love the songs I heard samples of, but my e-mail address contains "ghostbusters" and it's pretty obvious why I want his stuff. My other e-mail address contains Janine Melnitz and that too is very obvious to him. Aw, stupid Internet! Why does he have to know about me already? How many Swedish girls are writing him and asking for autograph but getting none, "mentioning" him on the... hm... most informative page on the Net, and then wants his not so commonly known CDs? Just me.

Speaking of CDs, I must have the new Gorillaz CD.

May30 - Black dog day

Very depressed this Monday. Couldn't get out of bed for the entire day. Was supposed to go to adult kindergarten, but there was no way I could manage. Not even to call and say I wasn't showing. Read just a little bit, but mostly stared at the wall. It would be best to forget about this horrid day. Had a headache still, from Friday.

My boyfriend tried to cheer me up by saying my Ghostbusters tattoo looked nice still, after three years. Crisp red and black, not being blueish. It's not cheering me up. Mention the Ghostbusters when I'm deep down the depression hole and it just gets worse. That's what fandom did to me. Thanks a bunch. A hundred percent bitter I am!

May29 - Mother's Day

Looked for some stuff on the Internet when I couldn't sleep. Found out that Ben Gash has his own site now. Very scary indeed, didn't check it. Have to wait for a moment when I'm more brave. He probably saw that I mention him on my site and he might not like that. Like, when you search for Ben Gash, my site pops up pretty high among the Google search results.

Slept some in the morning before I and my boyfriend went to his parents to congratulate his Mom on Mother's Day. Boy, do I hate driving! It's like every moron in the country has to be within a hundred meters from where my car is. A miracle nothing happened yet. My boyfriend said my profile was like that of Hitchcock. That is very rude. Imagine I was slim last year. It's those darned pills. I'm gonna stop eating them. Or, I'm gonna stop eating. I refuse to gain weight. I was always slim before.

Nothing in particular happened when we were there. I was allowed to borrow the computer to complete my eBay auction, that nice British Ghostbusters bag. I won since no one else seemed interested in it. How strange.

may28 - stickers in the wallet

Slept some, but had nightmares. Dreamed that someone stole my wallet and cellphone. Was more worried about the loss of the cute Egon stickers I keep in the wallet, than the money. Well, and the fact that the wallet itself is a neat Ghostbuster logo wallet. I'm fond of the sticker I keep on primary display in the wallet, the one from "Ghostbuster of the year" where Egon is tangled up in weed tentacles and gets strangled. That's my favorite animator who's done that episode. Glad to have a thick bunch of Real Ghostbusters Panini stickers of my own! Almost every sticker.

Went to a flea market in spite of having a headache. Bought nothing, just some candy next door. Nice with a little excursion sometimes. Wore the army dog tag, my Ghostbusters watch and my ring, but no Ghostbusters tee. I'm saving them for a special occasion. Like, maybe when I'm going to Germany next week. We're gonna watch Toten Hosen! I never saw them even as they've been my favorite band for more than ten years.

Was alone from noon and I hate that. My angst always increases. Tried to read a book about true murder and death penalty, but it was impossible. Watched Parkinson for awhile, paced here and there, fought this silly blog site. Using the computer and the Net is scary indeed. It's like those who lashed out at me in the past can easily do it again, instantly.

Thought I should continue my most recent Real Ghostbusters comic, but I couldn't. So many people hated the second latest one, and hated me, that I get reminded and simply can't make it.

may27 - Ghostbusters army dog tag

Friday, and I have the day off. Start with a sixpack of beer. Not good. Don't drink a sixpack in the blazing sun! Don't drink, for that matter. Read two books and dismissed one. It was an Anne Frank's Diary kind of book, but Russian, and I never liked Russian writers. Can't even put up with Kafka, though he weren't Russian.

Got the army dog tag Ghostbusters pendant I ordered from eBay. It looked rather nice and I used it for the whole day. Matched my silver Ghostbusters logo ring nicely. I'm very fond of my logo ring, but everybody thinks it's ugly. I can't see it's ugly. To me, it's very pretty - my Mexican silver ring. Imagine that they make such things! I ordered a size out of the blue and it turned out to fit perfectly. Whenever I do something Ghostbusters related, I wear it. It's like it gives me a kind of power to continue.

Fell asleep after drinking the beer, so the afternoon was wasted. Had a terrible headache when I woke up, so I tried to read a book with dim light on. It was about a liver transplant and I actually finished it that evening. Couldn't sleep in the night. Too bad my medication makes it impossible for me to eat painkillers.

May26 - Ghostbusters bags

A Thursday, and thus I was at the adult kindergarten. That's where I get "rehabilitated", or stored. Had to do some signs for the herbal garden we tend. It was easy, just look up some latin names and find photos on the Internet. For once, the Net wasn't scary, just useful. Flowers and herbs are very naive and comforting. The employees were surprised that I finished the job rather quickly, but I'm used to the Net and computers, so it's no big deal.

Spent some time knitting. That must show I'm getting old, or something. Keeps the angst away for awhile. Made a cellphone bag. Speaking of bags, I found the most adorable black bag with a Ghostbusters logo on eBay! I must have it. Ship from England, that's good. Problem is I already have the most adorable black bag with a Ghostbusters logo, but a girl can use two, right? The one from Australia has a reflective logo, good when waiting for the bus in the dark. The British one looks cooler, with white outlines.

Went to see my ordinary shrink in the afternoon. She's actually happy to see me. That doesn't happen to often, so I gotta enjoy the moment. She never heard I got the www.ghostbusters.se address, even as I had it for months now. It's cool, she thought. Told her I might be publishing a blog and she thought maybe I ought to wait. Cruel comments sticks to me forever, and I mean forever. Hurt me once and I never trust you again.

She wanted to see the new comic I was making, but I haven't published it yet. It's just one page anyway and I can't come up with a plot even if someone would put a gun to my head! It starts off with Janine sitting at her desk. My stories tend to start that way. I like drawing Janine, so I gotta bring her back into the plot somehow. I wonder if I can ever come up with a 'busters plot again. It's been years. I want to every day, write 'busters or at least make a comic plot, but it's virtually impossible. Writer's block grande.

may25 - a hundred percent bitter

Okay, there's something the matter with my blog. Like, I can't see it. Have to link to the xml page instead. Blogs are scary things when you write them yourself. Never saw another person's blog, just heard it's in. Thought I'd make one.

Anyway, went to my faraway shrink today. My test results were ready and she called them "very spiky". Fortunately, the only fool's IQ result I got was tapping fast with my right index finger. Guess I can live with a moron finger. Got some off the top of the scale results, that was neat! Like, common information (that was Trivial Pursuit kind of questions), shape assembly, repetition, unique design and some like that.

Also got a very worrying result in self depiction. Off the scale in mistrust, angst, stress and so on. A hundred percent bitter. That's kind of cool. A hundred percent bitter...

She got rather amused when it came to some stuff, such as how I complained about how one shape in shape recognition was one millimeter smaller than the rest and thus must be a different shape. Seems I'm gonna be labeled an aspie after all. I can live with that... after all, Egon is an asperger, isn't he? In my world he is.