June16 - Hate crime

Today was gonna be the last day of the adult kindergarten I attended for two and a half year. What happens? After some rather boring start I get left alone with two wannabe bitches and they ignore me, talking about uninteresting shit anyway. When they say it's nice weather and they wanna go outside, I seize the moment and turn on my Gorillaz CD, very low. They come back after some fifteen minutes and soon enough they start talking to each other how slow and braindead the music is, that they have to turn it off. They knew I turned it on and that I hear what they say, as I sit just a few feet away and no one else is in the room.

One of them cry out it's those yucky Gorillaz and that they're gonna turn on the radio. Ignoring me, still. I get up, say that I will indeed remove that CD if it's such a bother to them, and I go help for an hour in the kitchen. They don't respond. When yet another hour pass by and I have no one to talk to, I say "fuck this!" to myself and go to the car. I'm gonna leave this shit. I'm going home.

Unfortunately, one of the employees catch me just before I leave, but I insisted that I'd go home, and off I went. It was my goodbye celebration dinner and those bitches treated me like dirt. I wanted to have nothing to do with them. To hell with the dinner and goodbye present. The others didn't show up, even. That's so very typical. I hate that place! I hate those two bitches. They're so immature and rude.

Drank a meed, which tasted like beer bytheway, and finished the Annika Östberg book. It's very hot and I don't know how to spend the evening. I'm depressed and my boyfriend's watching several soccer games.

Last night I dreamed I was very good at drawing and made a Real Ghostbusters/Superman crossover comic. It got awfully nice and when I woke up, I thought that's really a sort of plot. Drawing Superman, I did that on so few occasions and still I collected the comics since I was seven years old.

June15 - Archipelago

This fine Wednesday we went to see the harbour. It wasn't all that interesting, and I had problems staying awake. Literally. When I'm supposed to sleep, I can't, and when I shan't, I dream of nothing else. Then we went to "the islands", the archipelago, where I'd never been before. I was getting pretty hungry before we found a place to eat. Finished off with a stop at a pretty useless flea market. Nothing ghostbusters there.

Got home after four and was so tired that I fell asleep. I have great problems with insomnia but try not to eat sleeping pills every night. Had a weird dream about Campino, the singer in the band Toten Hosen, probably because we'd watched a live show with them on MTV the night before.

My boyfriend had bought ten bottles of meed for Midsummer Eve. That was a tradition of ours every Midsummer until they stopped fabricating meed. Now there is such again, and he additionally bought two cool bottles with a wicca witch on, "Black Wych" black beer.

Checked eBay for nice stuff and found tree. One's two identical British mugs with Real Ghostbusters on them. The other is an obscure plush StayPuft, not the one I have, but a bigger one. The third is a set of Real Ghostbusters stickers for a sticker collection book, not the Panini series but another. That's what I'd wanna buy and what fits my budget.

June14 - Ghostbusters Jerk

Had to go to adult kindergarten and we were supposed to attend the weaving course. I didn't feel like it, so I wished it'd be cancelled. Since the teacher never showed up, it actually was cancelled. We spent some time on the castle territory next to the lake, and I was mostly reading about Annika Östberg, the innocent Swede in prison in the US. Good I had precautiously packed my new Ghostbusters shoulder bag so that it contained a nice book.

In the afternoon we did nothing much. I don't bring my comic sketch pad anymore, I gave up. Had to join and do some stuff with some herbal signs. We met the weaving teacher and she said she'd informed she'd be off to the doctors', but we hadn't heard. It's so tiring. It's like everything's fucked up, always.

Watched "Clear your mind" or whatever it's called, with the former drummer of Motley Crew. Then we watched "Mission investigation" about a racist murder attempt.

I found out that national TV wrote me back and want me on the next season of that collector's show. I don't think I wanna be on national TV. Not now when I gained weight and so on. I'd be scolding me forever for being the Ghostbusters Jerk of the Nation. Then again, this country could use a Ghostbusters vitamin injection.

June13 - Can read again

Feeling a bit better, I could read. I finished two books and could finally pull myself together and take a shower. It's hard to even take a shower when depression's bad. The books were about financial swindlery on the stock market, and about the Guantanamo base.

Went to pick up a recommended package, and it turned out to be my little shoulder bag from England. It's just the right size and very cute! It said I could fit all my Ghostbusters toys in it, but then I'll need fifty more... at the very least.

In the evening I watched Supernanny, last season straight from England. It's horrible, I never wanna get kids of my own! I'm wondering if this last kid's gonna be a sociopath. I'm happy with my three cats.

I wish I could spend more time with the Ghostbusters hobby somehow, but the way other fans treated me has made me get flashbacks when I deal with it. Really wish I could get outta the flashbacks. Then, I'd like to have a little audience when I do new stuff, like the comic and such, but I have none. I've checked my site hits and they've dropped so low that they can drop no lower without hitting zero. If sites are never visited, do they exist at all? That's zen contemplation.

June12 - House spirits

Sunday, a rainy one. Went away to shop and it's hard to handle a car when you're deep down in depression. I could barely shop for groceries. Happy to be home, and tired. Watched "The power of the spirits" in the evening, a Danish documentary about haunted houses. It's very charming and exciting to watch. I'm glad they decided to air it on national TV again.

My parents have bought a digital camera. I've been thinking about doing that, too. I can take photos of my Ghostbusters collection, everything I bought lately. For what purpose I don't know, I just like to tend to my collection.

June11 - Parky day

Watched Parkinson in the evening. There was an Irish comedian on, called Dana O'Brien. I grew very fond of him and would like to see more of his material.

Otherwise I was rather depressed and couldn't do much. Ate so much angst-calminng medication that I got a bad cramp. Will try not to eat that as much. Cramp or bad angst? What a choice.

It's no chance I'll continue the Real Ghostbusters comic any time soon, it seems. I'm in too bad shape. Besides, I'm not at all happy with it. If someone make rude remarks I'll be in a free fall into that black hole. Good no one has my e-mail address, so I don't have to see rude remarks unless I feel prepaired.

June10 - Dog days

Very tired today, just like yesterday. Depressed. Did nothing. My boyfriend was supposed to go to the archipelago and look at some archaeological stuff, but it came to nothing.

He wrote to the US guy with the Real Ghostbusters DVDs and it turned out they've gone lost in shipping. The guy will be sending me another set as they were insured! Isn't that great?

June9 - Two meetings

Away on two meetings. The first didn't seem like it was of much purpose, just chitchat mainly. The other was the last meeting this summer with my shrink. I showed her the two pages of my new comic and she thought they were so good that I ought to sell them. Well, I'm sure Columbia will be delighted to buy them. Whatever.

Went to the library and picked up some new books. One about the Swede Annika Östberg, the woman who's innocent, but still put in prison with a life sentence in the US. I heard yesterday her appeal to be transfered to a Swedish prison was turned down. That sucks. Another one was about another innocent Swede in a US prison, the Guantanamo base. Horrible what he describes.

June8 - Coloring comic

Couldn't sleep, so I was tossing and turning almost the entire night. Seemed like no use to get up and do something, so I stayed in bed. Angst coming back strong, having to eat pacifying medication. I didn't have angst when I was in Germany. Had to go to adult kindergarten in spite of little sleep, and the meeting was rather useless. Had the time to draw my new RGB comic, page three, for about an hour. Ate some wonderful lasagna. Took a stroll in a park outta town with the gang and it was nice weather.

Slept some when I got home, feeling strong enough to scan and color in page two of the comic. It came out rather nicely. Wonder if I'm ever gonna upload it to the site. It feels so useless, since I get fewer hits than ten in three months. Isn't that absolutely pathetic? That's three a month, at best! Why update such an unpopular site, really?

June7 - Home from Germany

Since we were staying in the most classy room of the ferry, we could dine for free in the morning. We got off the ferry at about ten and were home before noon. Rather pooped, falling asleep. Nothing in the mail from eBay. Seems I'm really not getting the RGB DVDs.

Drew about a page all together, belonging to my new RGB comic. Had dragged the sketch pad all the way to Germany, but not been drawing anything. I don't draw much, to say the least. The comic doesn't have a name. Maybe I'll come up with one if I finish the comic. I'm a bit iffy about the plot.

June6 - In Kiel

Checked Kiel a bit more, but didn't buy anything. Was wearing a Real Ghostbusters tee, but to my great disappointment no one seemed to recognize the guys. It's been too long, right?

Had to board the ferry in the afternoon, but we we showed up too early and had to wait for an hour. The ferry cabin was very nice and we got chocolates and wine for free. Too bad there was a World War going on the entire time, waves crashing into the ferry like cannonballs. Watched The Discovery Channel via ferry satellite in the evening. Crime investigation, medics and such stuff, which I love.

June5 - RGB cassettes

There was a very big flea market in town this very day, and of course I had to go check it. Flea markets used to be where I found Ghostbusters stuff, my only source. I was lucky and found four different audio cassettes with the Real Ghostbusters. A saleswoman asked me if I would understand it, as it's in German, and I assured her I most certainly would. That sounded a bit cocky, but Real Ghostbusters in German is the easiest German I know, the German I grew up with.

It took two hours to check the better part of the flea market. Afterwards my feet were sore and we retired to the hotel to watch MTV shows and drink a coupla beers. We fell asleep right when the Toten Hosen were coming up live from Berlin.

June4 - Arriving, and Hosen

After checking in, we looked at some bookshops and a CD store. I bought the new Gorillaz album, the new Farin Urlaub album, a Nena collection on sale, an Ärzte DVD and the Sinbad DVD with optional German voiceovers. My favorite voiceover guy Ben Völz is on that Sinbad version, I read, and he's my special Egon. It was for sale, so if I had the wrong information I didn't lose much money.

Also found two nice Paul Klee books, who's my favorite painter. Then I got wild and crazy and bought a pocket book about a British guy traveling around Ireland with a fridge. What an adventure that must be.

People looked at me in a strange way that day because I was wearing a Toten Hosen tee. They have a sort of bad reputation, being a punk band and everything. Now and then I saw other people in town wearing Hosen tees, waiting for the band. We got to the concert hall just on time and I was searched for the first time in my life. No bombs, no knives. Had to wait for two hours until some crappy band played for half an hour. It was very warm and damp.

Then, havoc! The Hosen got on stage and I was swept away some fifteen feet with the crowd, scrambling to keep standing. I fought myself free and rushed back to my boyfriend. People were jumping and sprawling at the same time, some were making fights at random, and I couldn't see the band. It was like the band wasn't there, that someone put on a DVD and it was just a film. After about three songs I panicked and started crying, wanting to get out of there. I knew the Hosen fans were bad, but not so bad that they could cause serious injuries! Still I do know people have gotten killed during their concerts. Boyfriends dragged their girls backwards through the crowd to left and right, and at the point where I got kicked in the head we got back to the other end of the hall. I wished I had never gone to the concert.

June3 - Off to Germany

Packed and off we went to the ferry. Nice and sunny. We watched the new Bill Murray movie "The life aquatic" and I could barely finish watching it since I disliked it so much. The other people in the movie theatre left after about twenty minutes. I can't understand why it got such good score in reviews. Now Murray's gonna golf and spend time with his family, take a time out. No GBIII. I weep.

June2 - Frisbee golfing

The adult kindergarten was going to the park to do some frisbee golfing, but we got lost. How embarrassing. Played some three holes before we had to go back. Shan't say I'm overly fond of it, but at least I've tried it now.

Very irritating that I didn't get the whole collection of RGB episodes on DVD. I paid a lot of money for it and it's the first thing I paid for but didn't receive off Internet auctions. I'm not buying much stuff anymore, it seems to be the same things getting rotated on auctions.

June1 - On national TV

Lay sleepless for the whole night. Was worrying about lots of things, but mostly about making that phonecall in the morning. Of course, it went from bad to worse. Made the call with a drowsy whiskey voice and left home an hour later. I was tired - very tired. So tired that I couldn't finish the day there, so I went home again before supper. Missed the castle tour that was scheduled. Broke down and started bawling. Very distressing.

Slept a coupla hours and woke up almost as depressed. Didn't know what to do. My boyfriend tried to cheer me up by talking about the mail I got, from national TV, that they wanted to make a thingie about me and my Ghostbusters collection. Apparently the woman on TV had rummaged through a collector's list I'm on, because that's the only place my e-mail address is listed. She said she'd call me right away if I gave her my number. What a weird, weird spot it would be in the Second Hand show they're airing. Well, I live too far away from Capital City and they won't be making the clip. "It's your chance to reach out!" my boyfriend said. "You're the only one up North who can do it!" ...yeah right, remind me I'm the only collector around here. Like I'd salvage someone...

Was worried Ben was gonna hate me for my Ben page, so I removed the stage name he's using. Wow, I didn't remember I was sucking up to him that much! No wonder he might be mad at me. I made up my mind I won't order his CDs. What if the response would poison the love I feel for his efforts in the Real Ghostbusters?

I'm depressed and I'm knitting. I hate my life! Gaaaah!