RIP, Michael Jackson.

June 26, 2009

Last night I checked the news on the web before going to bed. Found out that a news flash had been published just a minute earlier, saying that Michael Jackson died. That was a shock, even as I knew he was in pretty bad shape. Fox News established a streamed link and we saw the reporter waiting for the cue to start. Two hours later they still hadn’t made it to the press conference, so we went to bed, because it was 3 AM, local CET. A legend has passed away and I’m sad he was just 50 years old. He had planned to make a comeback tour and all tickets were already sold. Requiescat In Pace, Michael Jackson.

In the evening we were paid a visit by a friend of my boyfriend. They’ve known each other since childhood. They dug up a large set of magician’s gadgets and we had so much fun trying to figure out how to handle them. Included were, of course, the stuff they had ordered unseen and found out to have been fooled into buying, because they were described as being quite amazing. I filmed some and it was hilarious. The two goofed up all the time, as when they were doing the amazing trick of the levitating ball behind tees hung up to dry. They had always thought the ball was called ”Zoomie”, but the box read ”Zombie”. I’ve never seen such funny magicians. Unbelievable how you can undeliberately turn rope tricks and card tricks into such gags. Should upload the clips on youTube.

Learned that the Ghostbusters game is going to be released way later in Europe than in the States. That’s so unfair! I wonder if you can order it from overseas instead. That’s the first game I picked out and will pay for myself since NES. My boyfriend’s a computer game freak and buys a lot of consoles and games. This is why I pre-ordered the Xbox version, because Wii has the cartoon characters. Not as good as the Xbox, so I advice all fans to choose wisely.

The fine art of screaming

This week my boyfriend got another verdict regarding why he’s not getting any sick list money. Because the first doctor refused to put him on the sick list last Fall, he’s not entitled to any money, even if he’s just as ill today as he was back then. New reason, still no money. Indeed have to sell my house and live off the money. Talked to my Dad on the phone, he said we can live upstairs in their house. I said I don’t want to be living with the ghost of my grandpa, but Dad said it’s quiet now. If it wasn’t a relative, I’d be happy to share my space with the supernatural, but he didn’t like me much.

One thing that makes me want to move is the neighbour’s kid. She’s screaming her lungs out from morning until dark. Today she didn’t go indoors until after 10 PM. The kid is five… why don’t they bring her inside earlier? It’s horrible… a torture to be outdoors. You couldn’t believe it if you haven’t experienced it yourself.

Her parents never tell her to stop screaming and they don’t give a damn about us neighbours. The owners of the little summer houses in the neighbourhood don’t come here much anymore… less noise back in town. I don’t mind if kids are noisy when they play, but this fog horn is yelling because she wants to make her family upset and obey her every whim. Her seven-year-old brother confessed to my boyfriend that his sister is making him miserable.

There is nothing to do about it! Studied the law book and it’s vague about how much one can pester neighbours sound-wise. The police don’t bother to come here, no use in asking them. Those lowlife parents let her scream for hour upon hour. She’s not shutting up for more than a minute, and they don’t make her stay inside because they can’t stand her. They have put fences and gates and stuff around their garden and monitor her through their windows.

We moved from the flat eight years ago because the neighbour downstairs was playing music all through the night, plus beating up her kid until he screamed, and threatened to do something bad to our cats if we asked her to pipe it down a so that we could get some sleep. Now we have lived with the new neighbours from hell for two years. They don’t even leave for vacation, so we can get a week or two to rest our ears, because they let their grandparents baby-sit when they go abroad.

This morning she woke me up again, even as all our windows and doors were shut and the bedroom faces away from their garden. Today she yelled she wanted to play hide-and-seek, but she couldn’t hide for a minute without screaming again. Put on the latest CD with my favourite band outdoors on the porch, Toten Hosen, but even as it’s tempting to put my foot down and have a little sound war, I don’t dare to let the people next door have any reason to be upset with us. I remember too well the nerveracking situation of neighbours making subtle threats. Also, my boyfriend just gets angry when I talk about it, and says I should just hire a hit man and kill off the kid. That’s no help.

Today I cried because of not being able to stay in the garden. It was the first sunny day after a rainy week. Earplugs don’t help - the shrill shrieks penetrate them. Yes, goes for industry headphones, too. I look like an idiot with those yellow things on my ears, but I don’t mind. Thing is you get a headache from the static pressure, and not being able to hear the wind in the trees or the birds is down-heartening.

Have to get a new house

So, there is just one solution. We are looking for a new house in the village where I grew up. Have to give up the car and the house anyway, before getting some social welfare money. Because my boyfriend isn’t getting any money, even as hes on the sick list, we have to give up our house. It is not unlikely I get no money from August and on. If we sell, we will manage for two more years.

It feels stressing, but also it is a relief, knowing we wont live here longer than until Fall. I always felt marooned here, having no friends or any connection to the place. My roots literally go thousands of years back where my parents live, and that’s where I feel home. I’ve done research in church records, and that goes back to year 1650 something, even as they are a bit unclear that far back. There weren’t many people around at that point in time, and surely they are ancestors of the people of the stone age. I’ve seen stone axes dug up and it’s a strange feeling touching them, because the ones making them are of my blood.

Asked to get an entire room to house my Ghostbusters stuff - my own little temple. The stuff is currently tucked away and displayed in a much too small space, a bit disgraceful.

Pseudologia fantastica

Stupid people, booking two of my library books. Had to make an unplanned excursion to town in order to return them. Got the book I was listed for, which I even encouraged the library to buy - one about the alleged worst serial killer ever in Sweden. Only that hes a heavily medicated pathological liar, convicted on eight accounts of murder and saying he commited 33 murders. Off topic - interesting suggestion, “mythomania” is altered into “myth mania” in this word processing program. Had to google that, and it seems to be a childrens book. Anyway, finished the book about the “murderer“ Quick, all in one read. Legal justice never stops baffling me, being so mistreated. I have no trust in it. Court justice hasn’t got much to do with truth.

Why is it I forget what book I read just the other day? Can read, at least sometimes, but seldom comprehend or remember much. At least I aint on comic magazine level at the moment. Seems pointless to read this much when it doesn’t stick. Often I look at a book at the library and cant remember if I read it, even if it was released just one or two years earlier. Okay if it’s a magazine, but a whole book? Then I look in a comic I havent read since I was ten, tops, and remember every panel.

There is an Egon Spengler versus Barton Fink on totallylookslike.com this week. Called “Spangler”, though. Was an almost identical entry a month ago. I like that, but still it feels very uncomfortable to see something about the Ghostbusters on the internet. Doesn’t seem I will ever get over that feeling. Im sure no one remember my contributions and still is out to hurt and ridicule me. I don’t believe something, or someone, will randomly lash out at me in person if totallylookslike includes one or two Ghostbusters photos, but I get the chills and try to block whatever might come at me.

I cant estimate how many hours I reasoned with myself that I should give up the guys and forget about it all. Is it an aspie curse? My fan tattoo wont rub off, and being a fan is under my skin.What if other fans were… nice. Cant believe Im even pondering that.

Meeting the new doctor

Went to see the doctor yesterday. Couldn’t sleep - I don’t recommend paying the doctor a visit when you havent slept for 24 hours. Before seeing her, I had googled her name, but didn’t learn much. Had a suspicion she was an immigrant, and that proved correct. Always had a problem with foreign accents, because being Aspie is based on interpreting manually, and I realized we didn’t connect very well.

She hadn’t read up on me at all. Spent too much valuable time explaining the basics to her. Started off with her trying to cut it short from the very start, simply throwing me out into work practise. I tried to stay calm and explained that Im in no condition to work. Who would want me around, a woman too depressed to read or count? Of course I want to work. Ive worked when I was worse off than now. That’s why I know it will be a disaster.

For some reason, I thought I would have learned what decision she made, so Id know what will happen this summer. New rules… she has to write a recommendation, and a doctor who has never seen me is making the final judgement. That will take at least a month. Im so worried that I don’t know what to do. She said I should sell our little house and move into a flat. I answered that would be more expensive, and that we’d have to move far away. I cant remember everything. It was horrible. I want my old doctor back, but he retired. I wanna see my shrink, but shes on a long term sick list and then on vacation until Fall. I want to talk to somebody, but there is no one. I could get out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Oh, and she said I must eat no sleeping pills. I see the point, but I will be so messed up from a lack of sleep.

Sven Svensson x4

Today is our National day, but doesn’t really mean much in terms of celebration. We’ve been in no war since 1814, and the cause for us to pick today’s date is because Gustav Vasa became King in 1523. National day is mostly known for causing anti-immigration rallies.

Learned that my maternal great great great grandfather something participated in pulling the priest down from the stand when he was supposed to preach at Christmas Mass, because the priest was drunk. That’s pretty cool. My ancestor’s name was Sven Svensson, but there are no less than four Sven Svensson in a row in my family roots. So, can’t be sure which one it was. I can imagine it must have been hard to tell them apart back then, as they all lived in the same small village. Oh, and the first Sven Svensson’s father’s name was Sven. A bit puzzling. My boyfriend’s additional first name is Sven, and he got it from his uncle Sven. I’m haunted by Svens! My boyfriend’s Dad’s additional first name is Egon… that I like.

Digging for roots

Wanted to watch “Who do you think you are” tonight, last rerun of the Nigella Lawson episode. The new TV receiver box broke down and the new one wont work, besides from all the scrambled channels and two free. Too bad... I’m very interested in researching family roots. Seems this Swedish channel picked five episodes from the six seasons on BBC - celebrities we can recognize in our little dear country up North. Luckily, they aired the Stephen Fry episode before the TV box broke, so I could watch and tape it. Love his work... my boyfriend said I must find Fry appealing, but I said I prefer his more brain-related talents. Borrowed one of Fry’s novels from the library recently, one that hasn’t been mangled through translation. Haven’t read it yet.

Speaking of looking for roots, I’ve converted my investigation of my Moms roots to html. Easier to get the whole picture. Have been reading old church records, colleting names and data, and try to get as far back in history as possible. Feel bad, somehow, to be upset with some priests jotted handwriting quarter of a millennia ago.

Interesting when there are books about people and customs in a specific vicinity and come across a little old lady being interviewed that states “In that collection of houses they supposedly had the power of witchcraft”, realizing that must be my ancestors she’s talking about! Witchcraft running in my veins, eh? Neat. Hoping to look up the emigrants. Very, very many people migrated to the States. Maybe they met someone and had a family. Fascinating to find out how they managed. Easier to research if you’re Mormon, unfortunately. No royal blood so far, just farmers. Common people. Finding out that they stayed in the same area for maybe 400 years. Always felt wrong to have moved this far south, far from my ancestral roots.

Plane crash and personal financial crash

I always watch the Canadian series "Mayday", which airs after midnight in the weekend. Yesterday I read about the French plane that supposedly crashed in the sea near Senegal. The odd thing is that "Mayday" covers a wide variety of reasons for a specific plane to crash, and it seems like it was the same reason yesterdays plane crashed as the one in the seventies featured in latest "Mayday". Going into the storm cell, maybe the instruments recieving echoes from the storm clouds being misinterpreted or deceptive. Maybe the Paris plane was struck by lightning in the storm.

Hope they can find the flight data recorder, the "black box". From what I learned, it sends out beeps for thirty days unless damaged. Hard to find the black box if its deep down in the sea, though. There seems to have been three Swedes onboard. Hope there are survivors, but maybe a hope in vain. My thoughts go out to the passengers and relatives.

Yesterday I learned that my boyfriend isnt gonna get any money whatsoever in the future. Didnt get any since he fell ill this Fall and in this country youre supposed to get a bit of money if you cant work, but the current politics mess things up. People are allowed to get social welfare, but Im supposed to support him on my "pre-retirement" money, being the lowest amount possible. We, or I, must have no buffert in the bank for six months, or therell be no social welfare. We have to pay 200 000 SEK this year because the municipal forces us to install new water and sewer, in spite ours working just fine. I dont have that kind of money in the bank.

Must sell my car, an old one - do I have to mention no one wants to buy cars? Same problems here as with General Motors. Eventually having to give away our cats, sell the house and move to a cheaper place. That means far away from here, because there are no cheap houses around here. Maybe move north to where I grew up, places there are much cheaper. Surely, no jobs there.

To top it all, I have to go to the doctor on Monday to find out if I will get any money from July and on. Im cursed when it comes to doctors, and money, and I cant read up rules because of my severe depression. Neither can my boyfriend, hes too messed up, just like me. We are allowed to get a loan, because the municipal is forcing us to fork out for the new plumming, but the mortgage percentage is off the scale. No way we can manage. Besides, the house market is plummeting and we wont get much if we manage to sell our house.

Worst thing? Emotionally, our cats. They are my world. I cant imagine to give them up. They are our "children". Even if Im too ill to leave bed, take a shower, or eat, they are the number one priority. Always tend for them, give them food. Dreamed that Morticia was getting smaller and smaller until she disappeared. It was such a nightmare. Slept from 5 PM to 10.30 AM this morning. Typical when Im extra stressed, or not being able to sleep for two or three days. Im running out of sleeping pills - had to take some every night this year. Thoughts tormenting me, cant fall asleep. If I manage to suddenly fall asleep without being drugged, like yesterday, I have bad bad nightmares. Always dead tired no matter what. Have thoughts of suicide for a year, not as bad as it has been, when I thought of it every two minutes.Im so depressed. Already eating the highest dose of anti-depression medication, Efexor and Lamictal combined, so no way of upping the dose.

Wish I had the soothing effect of the Ghostbusters, but I panic when it comes to anything produces pre-internet, meaning 1995 something, when I started my site. The new game will be out next month, but as my boyfriend said today, he will probably have to play it instead of me, because of my panic. Way to go. Panic stricken fan.

J. Michael Straczynski movie

Yesterday my boyfriend and I watched the "Changeling" movie. I didnt know much about it, besides from vaguely guessing what genre it is and that Angelina Jolie is the main actress. We were delighted and gave it a 5 outta 5, because we always rate movies weve seen and pretty much always agree on the score. Stayed to watch the credits and dropped my chin when it said that J. Michael Straczynski had written it!

He is the guy who made the Real Ghostbusters what they are. He wrote the best episodes and brought so much life and wit to the series. Was a bit puzzled how he could write a script claimed to be a "true story", but googled the film and found that he had spent a year researching the event which took place in the late 1920s. I dont wont to spoil the plot, but its the kind of true story I always look for when roaming the library. A pleasent and surprising way to learn what J. Michael Straczynski has been up to lately.

Its sad that Susan Boyle didnt win the competition. Today I read she had some kind of mental breakdown caused by stress. I worried something like that would happen. I pray that shell meet nicer personnel than I did when being admitted to a psychiatric ward. As for coming second best in the competition, I agree with the article I read yesterday - that the Americans dont care if she won or not, because they want to see the woman who got a hundred million hits on youtube. Shes supposed be out on a tour in the US in the future.